Cruel reality
by FOXO'Reily
Summary: Seven months pass after Michael left for Portland. Michael returns to Pittsburgh to spend his holiday. Brian is stuck at relationship with Justin as ever. Michael wants to talk to Brian something, but cannot easily make an opportunity. Time passes pitiles
1. Chapter 1

Cruel reality

**Author: **FOXOReily

**Summary: **Seven months pass after Michael left for Portland. Michael returns to Pittsburgh to spend his holiday. Brian is stuck at relationship with Justin as ever. Michael wants to talk to Brian something, but cannot easily make an opportunity. Time passes pitilessly... Sorry, there is no-beta.  
**Rated:** R

**Categories:** Angst, Drama

**Characters:** Brian, Michael, David

**Warnings: **None

**Completed:** Yes

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Chapter 1

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At dawn, David gazed at a sleeping face of Michael in still weak morning sun. The wrinkle on the brow casting a shade thinly, and small convulsions to occasionally occur. Michael's smaller body was stirring restlessly in his arms.

"Michael, are you in pain?"

David asked quietly. Helplessly Michael pressed his forehead which perspired slightly to David's shoulder.

"Michael, do you want any painkiller or something?"

"No, I don't need anything."

Michael's voice was barely above a whisper. He looked up at David's anxious face and faintly smiled.

"I have to make my consciousness clear."

"Why do you board an airplane today?"

David asked while putting Michael's damp forelock through his fingers. To be frank, David didn't want to let Michael go; otherwise he thought that he should go with Michael. However, Michael strongly insisted on finishing his business alone. If usually, David can persuade Michael and bring the best way. Though, David could not but obey his will if Michael expected it this time.

"If I don't go today, mom will be surely disappointed."

"Umm...I can imagine it."

David lifted Michael's body onto his own and pressed his lips to Michael's temple and chuckled softly.

"If I was her, probably I would be not able to bear your absence for seven months."

"Definitely. If it was old her, she would be not able to bear it. But mom has a lot of being distracted other than my absence now."

Michael recalled the situation when he left Pittsburgh. It is seven months from that. According to the information from his mother and Emmett, Justin recovers himself from a tragic incident somehow and seems to be regaining original himself. The physical aftereffects seem to be left, but probably Justin will get over it. He is young, and he has a power and unyielding mind to heal his wound. And he is living with Brian now above all. So, with Brian... The blond teens obtained the man which he wanted most after all. On the other hand, Michael didn't have even proper conversation with Brian. Both the call and the email were cut off always a one-sided way. Michael didn't want to continue what Brian didn't expect. It was hurts so much, but Michael stopped all tries after having checked that no contact came from Brian.

"Anyway, I meet my family and friends."

Michael muttered slowly after having kissed David's lips. David looked into Michael's deep, dark beautiful eyes anxiously.

"But, one week later, you have to come back here. Will you?"

"Of course."

Michael caressed David's cheek with the back of his fingers.

"I'll come back for you."

And Michael was falling into a slumber again.

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When an airplane landed, Michael was thinking about what he must finish in this week. It was wise to have told only his uncle the arrival time of airplane. Actually, he didn't tell even his mother about his visit. Of course Michael intended to see his mother, but didn't want to let her do any preparation beforehand. Michael wanted to finish this visit quietly.

When Vic found Michael in an airport crowded with passengers, his uneasiness was broken off somewhat. The impression of Michael when he talked on the phone seemed to have quite changed with old nephew. Michael's quiet tones that seemed to be discouraged were enough to let Vic suspect something. And what was the most suspicious is Michael asked to him that he don't tell about his visit anybody. It enough made bewilder him. Vic worried about his dearest nephew. For these seven months, they were not able to contact each other frequently so that they expected it. Portland was too far to them. Where Michael has not at all acquaintance, he was isolated and may have been depressed. However, Michael who appeared in his very front was refined beautifully and seemed to be wonderful at first sight.

"Hi! Uncle Vic."

"Michael!!"

Smiling warmly, he embraced his nephew tenderly.

"How about your flight?"

"It was good. But actually, I was asleep all the time."

Michael rubbed his face with his both hands shyly.

"You know I don't like flying."

They have begun to talk as walking the crowded passage.

"So, how about gang?"

"Oh, mostly, they're doing well."

Vic placed his hand to Michael's back and urged him towards a parking lot.

"And I think officially all seems to turn into nothing except you disappeared. Your mother is meddlesome as hell as ever, and she has more audacity. Umm, firstly I should talk about good things. Girls are harmonious, and Gus is growing up to health. Also I think that you know Ted and Emmett are busy to develop their new business."

"Oh, yeah, I know it. I was surprised for their vitality."

Michael shook his head and chuckled.

"But I refrained from checking their site in our house."

"I bet David will not be pleased."

Vic smirked and they both nodded.

"Yeah, he would. Well, how about Justin?"

"Aww, yes, Sunshine... He's going to the art academy by support of Brian. Also he returned to the work in the diner. Well, I think he has almost recovered himself mentally. Unluckily, he seems to be completely on bad terms with his father, but he is building good relationship with Jennifer. Probably we don't have to worry about him anymore."

Vic smiled to Michael. Michael was angry at the tragedy which happened to a boy. The human of the kind like them can become the object of malice easily. Michael wasn't ashamed of his not having been doing coming-out officially for a long time in particular. He knew well it might not be right for all to reveal bravely.

However after he moved in Portland, at there life surprised Michael. David never hid that they were the gay couple, but the neighboring people accepted them without some pain unexpectedly. To Michael who thought that Portland was conservative and unsociable, this was unexpected in good meaning.

Michael discovered a big bookstore near the clinic which David is running, and he got the job of the Adviser administration in that comic book section. Michael's life in Portland could be said to have been favorable against everybody's expectation.

"So, Michael. How about you? Are you and David doing well?"

Vic asked while putting Michael's duffel bag in a car boot. Michael smiled at Vic heartily.

"It's great. I think that we're peaceful than time when we were here. Hank and Laurie are my good friends now. Actually, I seem to become David's son rather than his lover."

Michael smiles mischievously and rolled his eyes. Vic raised his eyebrows for curiosity.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I understood that my position was insubstantial. Fortunately, Hank took to me, but he already has parents. They had to put my subtle existence in the position that they could deal with. Consequently I seem to become Hank's older brother. Laurie has begun to treat me like her son-in-law. It's an understandable. To her, it will be easy to deal with me that she think I'm her son-in-law than I'm her ex-husband's lover."

Michael said so and hit a tiny sigh.

"But it's not so bad. That position seems to be comfortable for both me and all of them."

"Jesus, You're doing again! Do you respect the comfort of another person than your happiness again?"

Vic shook his head resignedly. Michael shrugged his shoulders.

"You know, it doesn't matter to me anymore."

And then Michael patted Vic's thigh lightly.

"By the way, I reserved hotel's room in the city. I think we can talk there without worrying about any disturb."

"Don't you really stay in mother's house?"

Vic asked doubtfully. He heard that choice from Michael beforehand, but, actually, didn't think that Michael really chose the hotel.

"If you appear before her once, I don't think your mother forgive it."

"But...you know, Uncle Vic. I don't belong to that house anymore. I'm no longer comfortable in there."

Michael muttered while watching the scenery which pass outside the car window.

"And I just need a place of my own."

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Brian felt a presentiment since he got up in the morning. He almost forgot such a sense since Michael left him. It seems to be an existing intuition between them. Especially, when they were younger, they were able to sense each other's accidents earlier than oneself. However Brian didn't think about Michael since Michael left him. A certain meaning, it may not be right expression that 'Michael left him'. However, Brian was thinking that Michael belonged to him all the time at least.

Eventually he was wrong. Michael can live without him. Michael can live his life with another man happily. Michael doesn't give a shit even if he writhes in agony in stupidity of his own. Brian understood that he is blaming Michael in unreasonableness. He let Michael decide it if he said as for the cause. But he needed an outlet of his pent-up emotion. When he is remembering Michael, he is always sullen and gets furiously angry next and becomes lonely gradually and finally, becomes hopeless. It was extremely unhealthy and Brian's behavior was annoying to everybody. It was sure as hell anyone wouldn't think that Brian was sullen when he is thinking about Michael. 'Morose face' was such as the pronoun of Brian Kinney. Even if he was the bitchy mood all the time, nobody mind it.

Brian woke up early in the morning and stared at the ceiling without moving in the bed. At his next, Justin is asleep soundly. He was looking askance at the blond head that he can think it is unnaturally to there. Brian was surprised that he's feeding this kid practically. The sense that rolled down a slope always clung to his mind since Justin's mother pushed the responsibility (It means Justin) to him. Occasionally he curses to the shit such as the morass that he stepped into. It was totally different from the life which he elaborated a plan.

(It can't have been this blond kid if I shared my life with someone.)

It was most obvious fact in Brian's mind. Brian was aware that he made a mistake in the time of the withdrawal. He was concerned too much with this kid. The sympathy caused a surprising debt to him. Justin's existence may have been certainly convenient for him. Brian uses his predominance and was able to persuade Justin easily. However, even if they're adopting somewhat open relationship, Brian noticed that Justin began to throttle him and kid's demand came to begin to be gradually huge now.

(I'm falling. Nobody can save me. Except him...)

Brian longed for the most precious person that he lost and sighed miserably.

"What do you think about?"

Because a muffled voice suddenly asked, Brian jumped up for surprise.

"Fuck...Justin. Do you want to give me heart-attack?"

Brian complained in anger after having regained presence of mind somehow. Justin uttered the dry laughter and moved his head on a pillow.

"Well, I don't know what you're thinking about. Still, I can't think that it's a good thing for me. Especially when you can't sleep and is brooding at the early Saturday morning. Are you mad at me something?"

Some uneasiness mingled with Justin's voice. Brian thought about what Justin asked during a little, but he didn't hold anger for kid particularly.

"I'm not mad at you. This has nothing to do with you."

Brian sighed as pinching bridge of his nose.

"Just leave me alone. I have a right to brooding and becoming morose. I don't have to say the reason to anyone. It's none of your fucking business. Did you get it?"

Brian muttered quietly but determinedly.

"Oh...I know now, you're already bitchy mood."

Justin could not but obey a claim of Brian first of all. The loft is Brian's castle, and he wasn't equal in relationship with Brian, here for the moment. Justin wasn't even sure whether they became equal sometime.

Brian crawled out from a bed languidly and went to the bathroom. Dumbly, Justin was watching Brian's hunched back. Justin felt that something irritated him. It seemed to be impossible to enjoy a morning shower with Brian somehow or other this morning. Such a treatment occasionally dented him, but was better than kicked out of the loft. At least after that tragic incident, Brian didn't treat him cruelly overtly. Actually, his present life can't stand up if there wasn't Brian. Justin depended on Brian for most of his living. He'll die on the roadside if Brian kicked him out.

(But...Why doesn't he dump me? Is it all, a thing by the sense of guilt? Is there the love between us as expected?)

Justin always wonders to himself. His confidence faded away more and more if he thinks deeply.

"But even so it's me that live with him. It is the most important point."

Justin decided to think about his doubt optimistically and sprawled out on a huge bed again.

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"Oh My God!! Michael!!"

Emmett and Ted ran toward Michael as pushing aside the half-naked men who is dancing in the dance floor. Saturday night's Babylon overwhelmed Michael which wasn't clubbing for a while. The guys that danced and wiggle their sweaty body sexily let Michael embarrassed for some reason. Emmett hugged Michael's body and almost swung him around.

"God...Why didn't you tell us you're coming?"

"Oh, it was a spirit of moment thing. Suddenly, my employer was decided to the remodeling of store, and he thought that I deserved some vacation."

"You were entrusting the comic book section of the bookstore, were you?"

Ted said and patted Michael's shoulder lovingly. Michael smiled at Ted and nodded.

"Yeah, you have no idea. The bookstore's size is almost same as NIKE TOWN."

"Good for you. You deserve that job."

"Anyway, sweetie, look at you. You're adorable, and fabulous! Does David treat you right way?"

Emmett asked skeptically. Michael nodded firmly to make his worrying friends feel relieved.

"It is more than right."

"OK, we need toast. Let's have a drink!"

They went to the bar and ordered each drink. Michael couldn't believe himself that he was in the Babylon. The human being is an adaptable creature to make fit the environment that there is now. He was already used to peaceful family life in Portland and forgetting this heat.

"So, how long are you here in town?"

Because Ted's soft voice asked him, Michael returned his concentration to the good old friends in a hurry.

"One week. Just long enough to see everyone."

"Oh, c'mon, only one week? If we had you again we couldn't think that you disappear again."

Emmett shook his head sentimentally.

"Sweetie, did you already see Debbie?"

"Not yet. I intend to keep the fun in the tomorrow morning."

"Oh...Don't you stay in the old house?"

Ted asked in wonder. Michael shrugged his shoulders as playing with a bottle of his beer.

"I stay at the hotel. Hotel is more convenient than staying in my old room."

"Umm...you know, it may not be so wrong."

Emmett smirked mischievously and pinched Michael's tiny waist.

"If you stay at your old house, your fabulous flat belly will increase by 2 inches at least."

"Yeah, you know my mother well. I assume that tomorrow mom force and feed me to eat the entire Liberty Diner menu."

Michael chuckled to two friends.

"By the way, I saw Uncle Vic and achieved a reunion with you two. I thought that I can see remain two guys if I come to here, but am I right?"

"Does it mean Brian and Justin?"

Emmett asked as sipping his Cosmo. Michael nodded.

"Aren't they here?"

"Um, in fact, Justin left here with his trick about 30 minutes ago."

"Oh...?"

"And maybe, Brian's in the backroom"

Michael was distressed by the feeling that wasn't satisfied while being walking in a darker backroom of Babylon. When thought about what happened to them, he couldn't believe this situation. Michael imagined that their relationship would respect each other a little when he heard that they had begun to live together again. Michael knew that Brian is Brian Kinney of the stud of Liberty Avenue. Even for Justin, he may not have needed to sacrifice himself. However, that night, Michael who watched Brian break down in front of his eyes was convinced that anything might change.

"Hey Tod, how's going?"

"Yeah, fine!"

While walking further to the darkness, Michael felt that exasperating migraine headache took him.

(Shit...not now...)

At the corner partitioned off with thin curtain, Michael found his best friend. Brian was sitting down arrogantly to a big armchair like a king. In his underfoot, two twinks were scrambling for Brian's cock, sucking and licking enthusiastically. The scene was what he got used to, but Michael couldn't help looking away for an instant.

"Brian...?"

"Hey, Mikey."

Brian muttered with having closed his eyes. And he frowned as if he doubted the words that he just uttered.

"Are you Mikey? No no...He was gone."

"Is this all you have to say?"

Michael muttered sadly. He knew Brian never changes. He loved even uninhibited arrogant Brian, but it was attended with a pain.

"It's impossible... Michael should be in Portland with good doctor."

Brian squinted his eyes and looked hard, and finally recognized Michael's figure. In there his beautiful best friend stood still and was looking at him. Michael's hair was growing than he remembered. The longish raven-black hair is framing his pale smooth cheeks tenderly. Brian rejected twinks and wanted to touch Michael. And he wanted to check a few things that it isn't a dream. If his lazybone legs hears what he says. However, his brain that soaked in alcohol and drug seemed to refuse to deal with reality.

"Jesus fucking help me...Probably this will be a hallucination. I may have taken too much in shitty drug tonight."

Brian grumbled and shook his head. He groaned loudly as blond twink swallowed his cock to a root.

"Oh, Shit...! Yeah, suck it, all of it! Jesus, Fuuuucckk!!"

Wordlessly Michael stared at his best friend ejaculating to blond twink's greedy mouth. He wasn't sure what he should have talked about with Brian anymore.

"Brian... Can we talk if you slip out from the effect of drugs and the alcohol? Maybe, tomorrow...?"

Michael looked back after having muttered like a soliloquy and went to the exit slowly.

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--T B C--


	2. Chapter 2

Cruel reality

**Author: **FOXOReily

**Summary: **Seven months pass after Michael left for Portland. Michael returns to Pittsburgh to spend his holiday. Brian is stuck at relationship with Justin as ever. Michael wants to talk to Brian something, but cannot easily make an opportunity. Time passes pitilessly... Sorry, there is no-beta.  
**Rated:** R

**Categories:** Angst, Drama

**Characters:** Brian, Michael, David

**Warnings: **None

**Completed:** Yes

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Chapter 2

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Vic drove town for a while after having separated with Michael in the hotel's room. In fact, he knew that he should have returned to the home early. Vic knew that nobody was in the house. Today, his older sister is working by the shift of day to evening. Though, probably it will be past 9:00 p.m. that she back to the house. He has enough space and time. Yes, he reviles God and curses the whole world and can bawl out aloud. However, he didn't do that. At first he wanted to just grieve for his nephew quietly before letting his lamentation loose.

When Vic arrived at the house, the clock was just past 7:00 p.m. He went straight to his upstairs room. Vic felt his own legs tremble slightly which climb up the stairs. Vic wasn't sure whether it shook for anger or whether he shook for fear. When going to open the door of the room, Vic raised his depressed face and looked at the door of Michael's old room. It is the room where Michael refused to stay resolutely. Actually, Vic didn't understand why Michael feels uncomfortable in staying at this house. He straightens up his back to check the true motive and walked slowly towards Michael's room. There is the room which his nephew spent since the days of a just a little kid. Michael should have owned a lot of cherished memories here. And the day of destiny... since two 14 years old boys met each other, as letting complicated their awkward feeling of strain and comfort, Michael and Brian spent most adolescence in this room. Vic thought that discord with Brian might be caused by Michael giving this room a wide berth. Their friendship or their peculiar affection to each other wasn't anything else which tormented them now. Vic exhaled breath deeply and put his hand on a doorknob and opened the door of the room.

Turning on a light, Vic entered the room. And when he stepped over the threshold of the room, he was shocked at the scene in front of his eyes.

(How Michael was right!)

The room was totally different from Michael's old room whom he memorized. Vic was dumfounded by his having not noticed it so far. In there, a color and the smell of the person who owned the room last were lasting definitely. The Captain Astro's curtains were put away somewhere, and curtains of subdued hue are hanging to the windows. The bed covers and the pillowcases, those things were different from what Michael was using, too. In the corkboard which hung on the wall, the sketches and school's schedule list were put onto Michael's old photographs and concert's stub. The room has been kept intact like when Justin spent time at there. Debbie never put back a room like when her son spent time at there.

"God... Michael, I'm so sorry..."

Vic slumped on the grating small bed and sobbed quietly.

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Emmett squeezed Michael's shoulder gently who came back from a backroom with upset expression on his face.

"Sweetie, you saw Brian. Huh?"

"It is terrible."

Michael muttered and slightly shook his head.

"He's dead drunk and high, he couldn't even talk to me."

"Brian looks like it in the case of most. He talks with us, but it's an almost ceremonious thing. Michael, in fact, Brian didn't even tease me. He's cut himself off from everyone."

And Ted added it.

"Everyone, that is, except for every slut in Pittsburgh with a smooth ass and a nine-inch cock. Or with another word despite what happened it's business as usual. Even Sunshine wasn't able to change him. Well, it may be natural."

"Does Justin say nothing to Brian?"

Michael asked in a serious tone. Emmett wrinkled his nose and let his hands flutter.

"After all, Justin is one in the exception that's he is counted in smooth ass slut. If fucking with Brian is secured for him, Justin will not state an objection to King first of all. He's still middle of establishing a position of his own. Sweetie, do you know how Justin came to live with Brian?"

Emmett asked. Michael cast his eyes downward and sighed.

"Hmm mostly. I heard them from ma."

"Alright, I don't know how Debbie talked to you. However, honesty, I thought that it was ridiculous that they lived together even if there were any kind of reason. Of course Brian will support Justin for a sense of guilt. The incident that happened to Justin was really horrible and was hard to deal with everyone. I feel really sorry for him. But in this situation Justin loses an opportunity to become a decent adult. Oh, don't laugh, I worked hard after leaving the hometown. Truly, nobody knows what trials and tribulations I've come through. Anyone comes through hardships until they fledged. We were living like that at least, right? But he was taken it because of the case even at an opportunity to grow up commonly. Besides, from his parents."

"I know that Brian never ditch Justin from himself. 'Cause he's still having trouble with horrible parents."

Michael murmured as leaning his head onto Emmett's shoulder.

"Brian cares about him."

"It's unbelievable, but it seems to be a fact."

Ted drank mouthful of his beer and nodded. And smiling wryly, he shook his head slowly.

"Brian may be doing a laudable thing, but retrogressively, I feel he begin to lose human nature more and more. Michael, can you imagine Brian Kinney which came to rarely say even sarcasm? If I compared it with present Brian, Brian Kinney when we were used to be was funny like a comedian."

"Christ..."

Michael pressed his hand to his mouth and groaned small.

"Is it my fault? Because I leave Brian and chose David?"

Michael muttered despondently. Ted knew that it would be a fact, but he got tired of the fact and said to Michael.

"You cannot take care of him throughout your life. If he doesn't change how to treat you, he even doesn't deserve your worry."

"But maybe I had to be with Brian until Justin recovered. Probably, that time, he still needed me."

"And then you would surely lose David."

They fell in silence for a while and looked at each other's faces.

Finally, Emmett clapped his hand and shoved aside this gloomy topic and cheerfully screamed.

"By the way, Michael. Don't you want to know how I remodeled my room?"

"Aww, Em. You already sent a lot of photographs to me by an email. It's a mystery that you don't leave that parsimonious apartment. You're earning large sum of money, aren't you?"

"Oh, sweetie, it's so lovely! I have quite margin even if I deduct beauty treatment salon charges and the treatment costs of the carpal tunnel syndrome of my right hand."

"Emmett, you should thank me. It's me to have excavated your exceptional talent."

"Oh! Shut up, Teddy! I'm the beautiful angel who helped when you're in great difficulty."

"I'm glad as you two are not changing."

Michael tilted his head and smiled at Emmett and Ted. Emmett put his forefinger on his cheek and nodded meaningfully.

"So, Michael. You must suppose it, why I still live in that walk-up apartment of the lawless area."

"Em. What are you hiding?"

Michael brightened his big eyes for curiosity. Emmett smiled with great satisfaction like the cat which just ate a canary.

"I can never leave that apartment now."

"Okay, spit it out."

"Because gorgeous Greek God moved in the room of the opposite side of his room."

More than this, Ted confided to Michael so that he couldn't endure bothersome suspense of Emmett. Emmett uttered booing of the criticism and glared at Ted.

"Teddy! You don't have the right to reveal my secret."

"Gorgeous guy? How?"

"Michael, I can't explain it. He's really gorgeous, but you must really see him. I'm sure that you feel something about him."

"Should I feel something if I see him?"

"Ah-ha."

Emmett gave Michael the mysterious questions about his neighbor persistently. However, Michael knew Emmett can't put a secret away on his mind after all.

"Oh, Mother fuckin' Mary, I can't help talking about this!! Michael, do you remember Hunkalicious which took you away from front of us on Babylon's dance floor?" 　

"Who is it? I haven't had a so curious man."

Michael shook his head as laughing. Ted butted in again from the side.

"Before David confessed to you that he went to the bath, the gorgeous hunk that you declined an invitation to the backroom of Babylon. You were awfully upset for an insincere action of David and were depressed. If my memory is positive, you were almost going to break up with David then."

"Oh...that time."

Michael nodded as puzzled a little.

"Em, are you talking about Brady?"

"Exactly!"

Emmett was jumping up and down for excitement.

"Don't you think that it is a coincidence? He moved in that apartment!"

"But, didn't he move in with his boyfriend? He should have a lover. I'm sure he had boyfriend."

Michael said to Emmett while recalling his vague memory. Emmett shrugged his shoulders.

"It doesn't matter. Probably he broke up with lover. He's living alone at least, and there isn't sign that specific man visited. Aaaand...Oh, Michael, you must not be surprised. He remembered that night and mentioned me about you! Did you meet him after that?"

Brady's name and Emmett's story made Michael upset, but, eventually they had nothing other than quite nice kisses and half-finished blow job. About his ex-trick having become the neighbor of Emmett, Michael decided to just let it go.

"Uhm...once. But the event that could please you happened in nothing."

"Oww, it's shameful. You should have had adventure with him before becoming the faithful doctor's wife."

Emmett said as disappointing. Michael smiled at Ted tenderly who is grinning uncomfortably, and shrugged one shoulder.

"I think that I didn't need to have an adventure. I'm very happy now."

While he heard Emmett's passion about decorating rooms with the leopard print's sofa and the alpaca's heavenly soft carpet, (and about gorgeous Hunkalicious) Michael was able to forget Brian for an instant.

Until exhausted Michael announces finally that he leaves the Babylon, in tonight, they didn't see Brian becomes sober and appeared from a backroom.

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"Vic, what the hell are you doing here?"

When turned around to shrieks of Debbie, Vic was in the middle of changing the curtains of the Captain Astro on a rail.

"You can see what I'm doing. I'm making an effort desperately to put back this room."

Vic said as suppressing his rage. Debbie seemed not to be able to catch a clue at all why her younger brother had begun to redecorate the room where used nobody as suddenly.

"But...for what?"

"Because here is Michael's room."

Vic said flatly and continued his mission silently.

"Vic, Michael is not here. Michael is living with David happily in Portland. Why do you want to put back this room? Besides, recently Justin used this room, and his belongings are here, too. And when he fight with arrogant asshole Brian Kinney, Justin may want to come to stay at here."

Debbie said to Vic while showing it by gesture in a room. Vic couldn't believe what she said.

"Sis...Do you understand what you say? Do you say that you gave this room to Justin? Yes, Michael lent the room that filled much of his memory to Justin. It must be not easy for him. I can't imagine at all what kind of feeling he was. Maybe this is your house, however, anyway, this is Michael's house too and here is certainly Michael's room. Have you forgotten it in spite of the fact that you're his mother? Shit, no wonder that Michael didn't want to come back here."

Vic was disgusted and dropped his shoulders suddenly. Debbie knit her eyebrows and asked Vic in irritation.

"On fucking hell of earth what are you talking about? What do you mean Michael doesn't want to come back to this house?"

"Michael is in Pittsburgh now."

"What...?!"

"He came back home after a long time of seven months, but he couldn't even just return to his old house. How we drove him away and put him in poor awkward position."

Vic wiped his lower eyelid with his fingers and sighed. Debbie was in the huge mess, and yelled at him, and questioned closely about a return of Michael but he didn't hear her voice anymore. He had to complete his work. There was duty to accomplish this mission to him even if Michael never entered this room.

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In a milky haze such as dense fog, Brian thought absently. A little ago he feels like having watched a happy hallucination. It was a totally unrealistic hallucination that Michael appeared into the back room of the Babylon, but the sense was surreal at all and Brian was able to feel sweet clean smell of Michael.

(But...he looked sadly.)

Brian knew that he is craving Michael. He missed Michael so badly. The presentiment of this morning may lead to a hallucination of the tonight. Brian groaned while shoving his engorged cock in the tight ass of well-build hunk. Pushing up violently, he was trying to blow off his frustration. Brian noticed that he didn't know even Michael's recent conditions. Brian knew that situation was all his fault. Because he ignored all contact that Michael gave, Michael seemed to have given up that he continued having a connection with Brian. Brian wasn't sure why he ignored Michael. If they are best friend, even if whichever left their hometown, probably they will contact them. However, Brian couldn't do that to Michael. Like a rejected idiot, he couldn't have patience for Michael who left him for the other man. Of course he told Michael to go to David. Coolly to bluntness. Brian thought that Michael certainly never left him and went nowhere. The shallow conviction created his wretched present. He did irreparable failure at last.

(If Michael comes back? If he throws away a good doctor and come back to Pittsburgh (me)?)

Brian thought as thrusting his cock into trick's ass intensely. He felt that his climax got closer to. His testicles tightened up for indecent pleasure hotly. When about to cum, he was going to recall Michael's face. He tangle Michael's soft silky hair to his fingers and will bite the smooth skin of Michael's shoulder. He caresses Michael's little perfect round ass with his hands until he is satisfied. It is Michael, that he is holding, and he is pounding his cock to Michael's gut...

(No, no, I want to just hug him. Not a fuck. I want to feel him. I want to make sure that my Mikey is in my arms.)

And Brian shot his desire into a safe condom.

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When he finally arrived at the hotel's room, Michael understood that he was barely walking. His headaches increased, and his limbs didn't move just as wanted. Michael knew well what happened to him. He was exhausted and needed a rest. Michael took out a bottle of the water from the refrigerator of a mini bar kept in the room and went to the bedroom. From the small travel porch which he put beforehand on the nightstand, he took out prescribed medicine and swallowed it with the water of the bottle. Lying carefully onto the bed, he closed his eyelids. The situation was awful than he thought. Michael didn't even get the tears in excessive misery. Michael wasn't able to think that Brian talk to him for his real intention even if Brian become sober.

(I have lost sight of Brian. Why did we fall into such a situation?)

Michael took out his cell-phone from the pocket of his jeans. He was tiring awfully and feeling sick. But, Michael wanted to hear David's voice. Probably David's voice should cheer up Michael. The call to David was still time in the tolerance level if he thought about difference in time. Michael was wrapped up in a blanket on a bed and curled up as hearing call sound.

_"Hey, beauty." _

"Hi, David. Were you still up?"

Michael muttered while rubbing his forehead which ached with his fingers.

"I wish I didn't disturb your sleep."

_"Oh, Michael. In any case, if you aren't here, I can't sleep soundly."_

David read the tone of the Michael's voice sensitively.

_"You're exhausting. I think you aren't in a good condition. Did you take medicines?"_

"Umm...Yeah. Actually, I have a headache a little. But, you must not worry about my falling down. I have already taken a rest on a bed."

"Did you meet Brian?"

David asked without wasting time. Michael inhaled breath slowly.

"I saw him in a backroom of the Babylon. Maybe you'll see the situation. He gets drunk and high, he may not remember even that he exchanged some words with me. It was awfully terrible. He is getting lost himself."

_"I can understand it. He didn't have you. He would lose balance of his mind." _

David muttered to sympathize with Brian from the real intention.

"Do you intend to talk to him?"

"I don't know..."

Michael racked words with sobbing.

"But this is too hard for Brian and me. I shouldn't probably talk to him. I think Brian can't accept a fact. I hoped that Justin supported Brian. But...their relationship seem to be different from the kind that I imagined."

_"Michael, you don't have to force it yourself. The result may not be worse than the expectation either." _

David said encouragingly. However, Michael knew that it was too little possibility.

"Well, you know I have another trial. I'll meet my mother tomorrow."

"You said you don't tell Debbie, do you?"

David asked tentatively. Still closing his eyes, Michael nodded slowly.

"We must deal with a more difficult enemy if she knows it. If she still loves me enough, she will not let me go from here."

_"She loves you." _

David whispered to Michael gently. Michael smiled feebly.

"I'm not sure...maybe..."

They hung up after they talked about their plan what they do when Michael returned to Portland. Michael turned over on his back, and bending and stretching his arms slowly. The numbness was relieved somehow, but felt heavy at his whole body as ever.

(Brian, if your pains are reduced, you should forget my existence.)

The tears which rolled down from Michael's eyes made his pale skin tingle burningly.

(One month later, I may not be able to remember you. Maybe I can't hug you and talk to you. You should hush up my existence from your heart right now, it would be better if you watch me who am in such a condition...)

In large hotel's room, Michael shed tears and wailed without caring anyone.

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--T B C--


	3. Chapter 3

Cruel reality

**Author: **FOXOReily

**Summary: **Seven months pass after Michael left for Portland. Michael returns to Pittsburgh to spend his holiday. Brian is stuck at relationship with Justin as ever. Michael wants to talk to Brian something, but cannot easily make an opportunity. Time passes pitilessly... Sorry, there is no-beta.  
**Rated:** R

**Categories:** Angst, Drama

**Characters:** Brian, Michael, David

**Warnings: **None

**Completed:** Yes

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Chapter 3

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When woke up in the morning, Michael realized immediately that today is 'bad condition day'. If he'll try to get up his legs certainly give in and should've to sit down on the floor for a while. And he is losing even his voice now. It recently sporadically happened. His voice became weak so as not to reach even his own ears. That state could be restored in approximately one hour or could continue tormenting Michael during half day.

David noticed first that something had happened to him. Michael didn't mind in particular the persistent headache that bothered him. He thought that heavy feeling at his body was a thing by the environmental change. However, David didn't overlook Michael came to often drop a thing and to trip in the place where nothing has an obstacle. One morning, when he saw Michael's knees collapsed who climbed down from a bed and couldn't just stand up, David took Michael to the hospital forcibly.

Half day later, the diagnosis result told to them was too cruel. Michael was suffering from a brain tumor of stage four.

Glioblastoma multiforme.

A focus was wide and deep and progress was fast. Of course the doctor recommended an early surgery in a moment. Michael must continue hard treatment with radiation therapy and anticancer agent after having extracted a tumor as much as possible in the range where impediment is not left. By the progress of the condition, surgery and the treatment may be repeated many times. The doctor wasn't able to declare how much Michael have chance even if he tried the new vaccine treatment that it was thought effectively. If no effect was provided, his survival rate was assumed for postoperative approximately 1-3 years. Meanwhile, the condition will get worse surely if treatment doesn't play success. Michael didn't want to think about what happen to oneself. And first of all, Michael felt so sorry for David who would have to part from a lover by death again. To be frank, Michael thought that he had better withdraw. If their relationship became closer, the damage of David grows big. Michael didn't want to cause that. However, David didn't accept the indirect suggestion that Michael tried sometimes. Fortunately, David has Laurie and Hank by his side. They got over discord and kept good relations as a family now. Spending the last as a member of the families among them could feel attractively to Michael.

On the other hand, his thought became more complicated when Michael thought about his mother and uncle. Michael didn't know what he should do, at all. Probably he will talk to his uncle. They had a close bond. If it was Vic, Michael was sure that he understood his feeling. The problem was Debbie. Although their intimacy faded than before, Michael was her only own son. How will she react if Michael told his disease to her? She may not be going to accept a fact. Or she treats Michael like her little baby again and may never return him to David.

(Will she grieve for me? Does she understand all and let me do what I want to do?)

Michael thought about her reaction repeatedly, but it was difficult to predict an action of his mother. However, there are Michael's friends thinking of her like their real mother around her even if she lost her son. Michael was able to count on his wonderful friends.

(And...Brian.)

Michael understood that Brian would take care of Debbie willingly even if he didn't show it by words or an action.

(Brian, God...how can I say to you?)

When he thought about Brian, Michael felt his heart ache most. Michael wasn't sure why leaving Brian is so hard to him. They were always been for each other. However, now, they didn't know each other what kind of every day they are spending. If they continue this situation, and even don't talk about each other's feelings, Brian may feel nothing even if he has disappeared forever. Honesty, that thought made him despair, but at the same time that let him relieved.

Michael looked at table clock of the bedside and sighed. It is only one hour until when he promised to meet Emmett and Ted in Liberty diner. In other words it is time when he was going to face Debbie. Thinking that her behavior may soften a little if front of the public, Michael chose that he met Debbie with them. However, Michael wasn't sure whether he could move as expected by the appointed time.

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"He is late."

Ted muttered anxiously. Emmett fluttered his hand and was trying to shake off his uneasiness.

"Probably he can't get up for terrible hangover. The number of toast is in proportion to the headache of the next day. Right? He became dreamy doctor's wife and must have been apart from the wild party. Also, last night, he seemed really exhausted."

"But this is about Michael. He's not you."

"Oh, thank you so much, Teddy!"

"Emmett... don't get me wrong. You know him well, too. Michael is rarely late for the appointed time and he certainly contacts us when can't make it."

Ted put the empty coffee cup on the table which messed at the equally emptied plates.

"Emmett, do you think that something happened to Michael?"

"Actually, something may have happened last night."

Emmett muttered carefully.

"Do you mean Brian?"

Ted leaned forward on a table and whispered to Emmett. Emmett leaned back in a seat and clouded his eyes.

"Oh, Teddy, I really don't want to think about the thing. However, Michael was awfully depressed when he came back from a backroom. He said that he could hardly talk to Brian, but Brian said thoughtless thing and may have hurt Michael again."

"I'm afraid of it, but after all it is fairly fat line. It may have been inevitable situation if I thought about a state of Brian after Michael disappeared."

Ted glanced at Debbie who was inside of counter, and lowered his voice tone.

"Do you think that she doesn't yet know that Michael is in Pitts?"

"Teddy, actually, I was thinking about it all the time since I came to here. Michael said to us that he already met Vic yesterday. Vic should tell it to Debbie if Michael met Vic even if he decided a visit suddenly without any contact to his family. However, we don't see Vic's face from yesterday and don't hear his voice either. And despite of an impossible thing, Debbie is lost in thought today at least about one hour. We must think that something is happening to them."

"Maybe we can say that this situation is totally disquieting. Do you have ever imagined the diner where you don't hear her loud voice at all?"

"I never did."

Emmett shook his head. Ted nodded and muttered.

"Today is **the day**, definitely. We might overlook something serious matter."

Emmett threw his eyes outside of the window while deeply surveying the guess that Ted exhibited. He needed to some time till he recognized the person which his eyes caught in his head. It seemed to be Brian somehow or other. However, the stud of Liberty Avenue; Brian Kinney was lacking in vividness incredibly. He was discernibly tired and slightly fidgeted and totally seemed lost his confidence, like the castrated draft horse.

"Brian is here."

Emmett whispered to Ted.

"What the fuck...? He looks like shit."

Their eyes ran after Brian who passed by their table without hello and slide into the back booth.

"We seem to have become invisible for him."

Ted includes some sarcasm and said to Emmett. Emmett frowned his Kewpie face and spat it out.

"It's already enough. This is totally unacceptable."

And he stood up and went to the booth which Brian secured.

"Well, hello, Brian! You look very exciting."

"Ow, fuck off. I don't have willpower to deal with imbecile Teddy bear and you from morning."

Brian expressed a complaint overtly and tried to send away Emmett from his booth. However, it seemed to end in a useless trial somehow. Emmett rooted to his opposite side and almost threatened him.

"Brian Kinney. You must not think that you can deceive me. I'm sure that you did something. So, tell me, what did you say to him?"

Emmett asked forthrightly. Brian groaned low as pinching the bridge of his nose.

"What did I do to who?"

"Stop it, Brian. You know I mean Michael."

Emmett said in a low voice so that his voice didn't reach the edge of Debbie. Brian snorted.

"What are you talking about? By the way, I hardly talk with Michael in these six months. Even if he remember the stupid act that I took in old days, and flew into a rage, I can't take responsibility for it."

"God...Brian. You met Michael last night, did you?"

"What...?"

Brian gathered his eyebrows and blinked his eyes. The memory in the backroom of the Babylon of last night churned his brain, and he felt suffocated to that afterimage unintentionally. Michael's sorrowful face... his beautiful brown eyes staring at him. His quiet pensive voice. What did Michael say to him?

"Does Michael really come to here? In Pittsburgh?" 　

Brian asked Emmett doubtfully. Emmett shook his head in disgust like he was having heard unbelievable thing.

"Brian, do you remember nothing when you met Michael in last night?!"

"Don't push me so hard. I was in another world last night."

"Yes, as usually. It is hard to save you."

"But then...Why did he tell me about nothing if he returned?"

"I know well how you continued ignoring attempt of Michael. Do you still thought that Michael could tell you about anything?"

When Emmett asked it in indignation, they noticed that Debbie wrapped in unrealistic quietness stood before their booth.

"So...You already met my son, too. Was it only me not meeting him?"

Emmett felt the blood vessel of her temple swelled and seemed to explode at any moment. Brian continued shaking his head in unsureness of his memory.

"I do not know...maybe Justin didn't yet see Mikey, too. He said nothing to me this morning when he went to Daphne's house."

"When Michael arrived at the Babylon last night, Justin already left with his trick."

Ted said from the side.

"In short Justin doesn't see Michael, too."

"It seems to become no comfort for me."

Debbie spat it out irritatingly, put her both hands on her hip and yelled loudly.

"Tell me, what do you know?! Why doesn't Michael come to meet me? I am his mother! Why is he going to make me contempt? Why does Vic say that Michael doesn't want to come back to my house? What does it mean?!"

Three of them and the patrons of the diner were speechless at an angry look of Debbie. Her outburst was awfully impressive anytime, but this bomb let them almost shrink.

"Deb, Michael should have met you today here. He intended to meet you with us."

Ted said bravely.

"Does Mikey come to here?"

Hurriedly, Brian asked to Ted again.

Debbie rolled her eyes and roared.

"Shut the fuck up! What I am saying is, why I have to hear it from you? Michael should have given phone-call to me at least yesterday. Moreover, you said that Michael comes to here, but where is that little shit?"

"I don't know why, but, actually, he seems to be late."

Emmett said furtively. Brian stood up and asked Emmett and Ted.

"Where does Mikey stay in?"

"Some hotel, I think. We didn't inquire into it."

Ted shrugged his shoulders. Brian cursed in a low voice as usual and ran away from the maelstrom of the uproar in an unbelievable feat. Brian got into a jeep after crossing the street with long strides and opened his cell-phone.

"I'll be got an answer if I ask Vic."

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When a text message reached his cell-phone from Michael, Vic understood all meanings that he listened to from Michael yesterday. Yes, everything. He must admit that he was half doubtful about it. His dearest nephew was suffering from vital disease. His condition could become unexpectedly unstable. Vic understood why Michael handed the spare card key of the hotel's room to him when he parted from Michael in the hotel yesterday.

(When his condition turns worse and wasn't able to move prepare for it.)

Vic hated that he realized it. However, Michael who talked to him and walked normally yesterday cannot get up from a bed today, and has to be making an effort to keeping his consciousness. Vic had to admit that a disease of Michael was more difficult than his hateful disease.

"I'm sorry, Uncle Vic. I didn't intend to show you such a ungainly state."

Michael's voice was barely audible and pronunciation was inarticulate. Vic squeezed Michael's hand and asked anxiously.

"Don't you need to really go to the hospital?"

"Uhm...I don't need it. I may survive this situation with the prescribed medicine which I brought with me somehow. If medicine begins to work, I become a little bit better. "

"You sure?"

Michael nodded in a question of Vic.

"This situation isn't the first time for me."

"Are you in pain?"

"Unfortunately, yes."

"How much?"

"You should imagine terrible migraine headache hit with a hammer."

"...Shit."

"Don't worry, I'm beginning to be used to it."

Michael slightly frowned and stirred.

"Well, mostly."

"Michael...?"

"Yes?"

"Debbie knows."

Vic exhaled it with a sigh.

"About your disease, it is 'No'. But, she knows that you're here, in Pitts. I couldn't help letting her think."

"Awww...Then she is fuming at me without doubt."

Michael smirked to Vic.

"I don't care. But, I don't want her to slap my head. Now, it's very hard for me."

"I don't ever let her do to it. I'll stop her."

"Yeah...I know..."

Michael blinked his eyes slowly and murmured.

"I could see Emmett and Ted last night."

Michael smiled at Vic.

"I was really glad that I could see them. I awfully missed them. Oh, shit...I have to apologize to them about that I wasn't able to go to the diner."

"Do they know anything?"

"...Nothing. They don't need to know."

"Didn't you see Brian?"

Vic asked it carefully. Michael stared at Vic's eyes and shook his head feebly.

"I saw him in the backroom. Probably he doesn't recognize me."

"Was he high?" 　

"Mmm-hmm, high as kite. I can say that he had been almost dead to the world."

"I should've warned you. He wasn't able to digest his burdens and your absence."

"It is OK. I knew it somehow. But, it was unbearable to look. I thought Brian and I found a way to be reconciled with each other. I thought I don't want to surprise Brian by my death or equal thing. I wanted to give him time to prepare. But I'm not sure whether it's necessary for him, anymore."

Vic saw tears rolling down from Michael's eyes. Vic covered Michael's tearful big, beautiful eyes by his hand.

"Michael, I know what kind of feeling you were. You haven't to talk anymore. And take a rest a little."

Vic noticed that his cell-phone is making noise in the pocket of his jacket after Michael finally fell asleep. Vic was afraid that it was Debbie, but the enemy was tougher than Debbie.

"Hey, son."

Vic talked in a quiet voice as moving to the living room from the bedroom.

"Why was I given honor to receive a call from you?"

"Vic, where is Michael?"

Brian asked abruptly. Vic could not but smile at Brian who didn't change since the age of 14 at all.

"Why did you continue wasting time about the most important thing idly that you know must not waste time?"

"What are you talking?"

"You heard me, Brian."

And then, Vic continued in his calm voice.

"I know where Michael is. However, I don't intend to tell you that from me."

"Oh, c'mon, Vic! I have to see Michael."

"I know, but you have to wait for contact from Michael."

Vic told Brian to persuade him. Vic understood Brian's feeling painfully. Still he wasn't able to give Michael damage more than this. He cannot let Michael of the present condition meet Brian. It was too cruel for them.

"God...Vic, I have made an irreparable mistake again as usual. If he is awfully angry at me and never saw me?"

Brian said in a hopeless voice. Vic sighed as rubbing his forehead with his fingers. It was gnawing his heart to reject entreaty of Brian.

"I really need to see him...Only Michael can fix me."

"Even if it is so I can do nothing. I think that it is the best wise policy that you wait for Michael. You cannot but think about way by yourself if Michael doesn't want to meet you."

"Vic, what the hell happens? He did promise to meet Emmett and Ted in the diner, didn't he? Then why didn't Michael come to the diner? Do you know what Michael is doing now? Is he all right?"

"Nothing happens to him. Brian, just wait. He calls you."

"But, Vic..."

He couldn't seem to endure more than this. Vic hung up without hearing until the last what Brian was talking.

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--T B C--


	4. Chapter 4

Cruel reality

**Author: **FOXOReily

**Summary: **Seven months pass after Michael left for Portland. Michael returns to Pittsburgh to spend his holiday. Brian is stuck at relationship with Justin as ever. Michael wants to talk to Brian something, but cannot easily make an opportunity. Time passes pitilessly... Sorry, there is no-beta.  
**Rated:** R

**Categories:** Angst, Drama

**Characters:** Brian, Michael, David

**Warnings: **None

**Completed:** Yes

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Chapter 4

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Brian irritatingly sighed inside of his jeep. He was at a loss. Vic was the most understanding person who always watched over their relationship affirmatively. When pushed from the only understanding person, and refused, Brian completely felt having stood alone. Since Michael left, he put distance deliberately with the people who connected him with Michael. Because, spending time with them was let him feel absence of Michael even more. Brian knew what he used the way wasn't indubitably intelligent. The result of the action that he fetched is this. Nobody will want to let him see Michael. The reason is because he is sure to hurt Michael again. However, Brian could not but still trust Vic's words.

(Like Vic said, probably Michael will give to me call. Michael can't help see me if Michael is coming to here.)

Brian decided to think so to encourage himself. He was reading all the email which had been sent from Michael till it stopped at last. Brian is memorizing what happened to Michael's life in Portland minutely, until Michael gives up contact with Brian. At first, he expected that Michael would return immediately. However, Michael seemed to get acclimated to new environment much more smoothly than Brian thought. Michael found work that deserve him for the first time and has begun to build substantial life. Brian was glad and truly delighted for Michael. Still Brian predicted after all David stifle Michael at selfish manipulation of him. To David, how to treating Michael in Pittsburgh was almost management. Actually, Brian thought that David locks up Michael into their house, and maybe even didn't want to let him work. When took them into account, as for this Michael's first earnest relationship, Brian thought after all they soon break up. However, unfortunately for Brian, David had a lot of worrying in Portland to other than Michael. He had to take care of his son and ex wife, and the administration of the new workplace was waiting him. David had to pay attention to those things either. They distracted David's mind and gave freedom to Michael moderately. For them, the entire situation worked to good course. Then, Brian could not but reconsider his shallow expectation.

(Michael may not come back. Michael is not my Mikey anymore...)

He shivered with the fact. If it was possible, he wanted to take back Michael. However, when he stared at the present of his own he is living with Justin and his responsibility didn't seem to disappear unless Justin left Brian by his will. After a series of cases, Justin's father abandoned his whole family and didn't even care. It was their family problem, but, Brian could not but accept that he owe one end of the responsibility of the whole story. Also he accepted Justin for own will to twice more than once. What he made situation must have tormented Michael than him. If it is a one-night-stand's trick, Brian can do excuse it to Michael and himself. However, he can't do excuse to Michael about relationship with Justin. Brian began it in front of Michael's face.

(And now, Michael will not wish I drive away Justin.)

Brian was sure of it. Michael was instilled in Debbie like that.

(Justin is good for Brian. Brian loves Justin. You have David. Love good doctor. He is the man for you. Shit...)

The appearance of Justin led their life to the totally unplanned development. Brian regretted that he has got deeply involved in Justin carelessly. Brian has given everybody an excuse to tear off him from Michael. However, it already happens and is unrecoverable anymore.

(If that's the case, what can I give Michael? Is it the noble friendship? Is it all we can have in now? What do I expect from him? What does he expect from me? What did he want to talk about with me? When I saw him, what do I want to talk about?)

Brian wasn't even sure what his own wish is anymore. However, Michael's presence was necessary for him. It is not reason or logic. Brian knew sooner or later he couldn't function if he continues living under present conditions.

"Mikey, call me. Just call me."

Brian repeated it just like a mantra inside of the jeep having been sat down.

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After disconnect Brian's call, Vic knew that his cell-phone caught a call from Emmett. Vic sighed and pushed a reply button.

"Hey, Em. What's up?"

"I hear your voice and can suppose it. Brian already called you, does he?"

"You certainly will have already known."

Vic chuckled and nodded.

"Did you beat the shit out of Brian in a diner? Though he doesn't remember even that he met Michael last night, he seems to think that he said a terrible thing to Michael because you deadly blame him."

"Oh, actually, isn't it right? When Michael returned to us from a backroom, he was awfully depressed."

Worry and indignation mingled at Emmett's voice. Vic answered it while scratching at his nape.

"Um, Michael didn't talk to me in detail, but probably I think Brian couldn't do even coherent conversation with him."

"Yeah, probably. But I can say that his blunder disappointed Michael at least. After all Michael is his only faithful best friend. By the way, did you see Michael today?"

Emmett asked eagerly. Vic nodded as looking towards a bedroom from the couch of the living room.

"Well...I'm here with Michael now. Unfortunately he was worn out by a hangover and the flight you know that he is hard to deal with and various events of last night, but he was apologizing to you two."

"Thanks God. We don't have any problem if we know that Michael is in the safety. However, it may have been a misfortune for him that he didn't meet Debbie in a diner. Anyway she is losing her temper so badly."

"I can imagine it."

Vic snickered in his slight explosion of the last night. It was very pleasant thing that he buried Debbie into unknown doubt that she cannot arrive at an answer.

"Do Michael and Debbie hold any problem? Are they quarreling or anything?"

Emmett asked anxiously. Vic denied it as rubbing his chin.

"Uhm...No, they don't quarrel. But slightly complicated circumstances affect this. Debbie always interrupted Michael's life in every meaning. You know well too."

Vic muttered circumspectly.

"For example, about his sex life? Honey, I wonder why Michael hasn't begun to melt in embarrassment so far."

"Aww, it's practice, Em. To Michael those were a matter of daily practice."

"Yeah, it will be so."

Emmett wanted to get all out of Vic, but he knew well Vic would speak nothing above it. Probably Michael may speak something to him later if it gives a serious problem. Emmett decided to think patiently. It didn't seem to be a pleasant topic at least.

"Anyway, could you tell Michael call me if he revives from a hangover, or want him to stop at the apartment where he lived before? Today I'm free all day long because of the Sabbath of my right hand."

"Sure, I tell it to Michael."

Vic guaranteed it willingly, and they hung up each other. However, Vic wasn't able to have conviction to whether Michael's physical condition can recover so as to be able to move.

He went back to the bedroom and drew the chair of a writing desk located beside a bed and sat quietly not to make a noise. Vic inspected the pale features of the dearest nephew carefully. He didn't seem to be healthy at all, but apparently Michael seems to sleep peacefully. The medicines which Michael brought seemed to be useful somehow to ease his pain.

"Absolutely, this is not fair. God, why must you do such cruel treatment to Michael?"

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Michael moved his body gingerly on the bed. His limbs seemed to accept honestly his transmission from an unreliable brain.

"Michael, did you wake up?"

When Vic's calm voice asked, Michael nodded and stretched his body.

"Yeah, I revived somehow."

"Good."

Vic sat on the edge of the bed and combed Michael's entangled black curls at his fingers.

"So, are you ready for hearing my report?"

"It depend on what you do have report to me."

Michael looked up at a face of his uncle who sat down on his next.

"Oh, I see...Is it Brian?"

"Yes, I received a phone from him. Brian said he wants to see you. Besides, so desperately. Well, I can say in a way he seems to crush by the situation that he and his people created. I think he is doing almost suffocation."

Vic muttered and shook his head sympathetically. Michael nodded sadly.

"But I cannot save him."

"He'll come through it. It may take time, but he'll and should get over reality."

"I know eventually he extricate himself from it."

Michael sighed and promoted Vic.

"Aaaaand?"

"You got call from Emmett too. I said to him that you were exhausted from a hangover. He wants call if you recovered. Or he wants you to come his apartment. He seems to be the Sabbath of the right hand today."

"I see."

Michael raised his body slowly while having the giggles.

"How about mother?"

"It's so weird, but we got no communication from her. However, according to the report from Emmett, she seems to have been awfully mad. Do you have intention to go to the old house with me?"

Vic asked as stroking Michael's back. Michael nodded to his uncle after having thought during a little.

"Well, I should go with you. That may be the best thing that I can do. But I don't intend to tell the truth to mother. I want to decide it at least after ascertaining how she reacts."

"I support your decision overall. But you must not forget a fact that she is your mother. No matter what she loves you."

"I know, Uncle Vic. You don't have to worry about that."

Michael smiled at Vic softly.

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Inside of the car that is heading to the old house Michael played with his cell-phone in his hands. Time to think a little was necessary for him until he called Brian. Various thought was complicated at inside of Michael's heart. He can't deny that inwardly there is the desire that wants to confide all to Brian. Michael didn't want to leave here having remained regret. However, he had to suppress himself. The vivid revelation is not a beautiful thing. It doesn't become the profit of Brian. He had to become cautious.

Michael realized that he registered Brian's number with the first of the speed dial even to his new cell-phone. He smiled bitterly and pressed cell-phone to his ear. Brian replied by one call so that he was waiting for it so long.

"...Mikey?"

When Brian's uncertain voice reached his ear, Michael almost cried.

"Hey, Brian. You don't take any influence yet, do you?"

"I'm sober almost as same as time I was born to the ground. Mikey, what you saw last night...I know I showed you disgraceful behavior..."

"Brian, I did a surprise on you. Plus, the thing which I watched there wasn't a new thing for me. But I was upset a little because I hadn't seen it for a long time."

Michael muttered awkwardly.

"That's all."

"I thought that you were the hallucination that I watched. It is ridiculous really. You know, you had better to stop forgiving me so easily."

"You don't have to mind it."

"Yes, I have to."

Brian said in a decisive tone. And he continued talking before awkward silence came.

"Where are you now?"

"Actually, I am in the car. I'm on my way to the Novotnys with Uncle Vic. I have to say to Hello' to ma. I know it was most dangerous thing, but I deferred visiting her."

"I knew that you were the brave man."

Brian muttered as smiling. And he heard Michael's voice suggesting it to him.

"It is the Sunday night. Don't you join us?" 　

"Ahhh, Mikey. Do you want to punish me? It's hard to say that I am the favorite person of Debbie."

"Of course you can choose it. But if you come to her house we can meet each other early. Probably it will be the tomorrow night that we can meet if you reject this suggestion. In addition, you can bring Justin if a reinforcement is necessary for you."

"Alright. But, Justin? I don't know...he is not here now, besides."

"Okay, then. Anyway he has ability to scent out the place where you are. Wherever he is, he'll appear after all."

Michael said playfully. It was no laughing joke for him, but Brian decided to ignore it.

"I'm on my way to there already. Mikey, I'm glad that you gave me phone."

"Me too. We'll see you soon."

Vic stole a glance at a state of Michael who hung up. He measured what his nephew is thinking about.

"Did you invite Justin too? Huh?"

"You must not blame me even if I'm so sweet. It's lip service. However, I really think that Justin appears there after all even if I don't invite him."

"Do you mean Deb?"

"Sunshine is her favorite. And he is her comfort now. I don't mind Justin. Isn't it nice thing that watch his recovery?"

Michael smiled at Vic. Vic shrugged his shoulders as returning his attention to the road.

"You'll watch disgustingly cheerful Justin."

When they arrived at the Novotnys, inside of the house was still keeping silence.

"We have one hour or so, until her return."

Vic checked his watch and told Michael. Michael looked around in his good old house. He noticed there is hardly change within his memory. The diverse ornaments that his mother's miscellaneous hobbies were reflected. And then the space where the photograph of his father dead in a war was enshrined, only there is orderly like an altar. Michael felt mysterious sense of incongruity whenever he watched them, but, he felt nostalgic even the sense of incongruity now.

"Michael, aren't you tired? You can take a rest in your old room till she returns."

Vic patted Michael's shoulder and pulled back Michael from his recollection. Michael smiled meaningfully without watching his uncle's face.

"Did you do something for me?"

"Oh, well...I cleaned room approximately. I put some big dust in order and put back the thing which there should have been there."

"Uncle Vic, you didn't have to do that for me."

"No, I needed to do it for me."

Vic said to Michael as moving towards a kitchen.

"You don't need to be afraid of anything. There is just the room which you spent in old days. It is not anything else except it. Nothing harms to you."

"Thank you, Uncle Vic. By the way, may I take some my junk with me?"

Michael hesitatingly asked Vic from the entrance of the kitchen. Vic shrugged his shoulders while taking out a container of the linguine from a shelf.

"It's all yours. You don't need permission."

"OK, I'm in the upstairs. Call me if you need some help. I learned a good useful recipe from Laurie and David."

"Hm, they must be matching a white clam sauce with linguine."

Vic smirked and shook his head.

"Actually, the combination is not bad."

"Exactly! I had to admit that it was delicious. It was a huge shock in my life that I had to know that all of the life wasn't made with a marinara sauce."

Michael left the place as giggling. Vic was watching nephew's back until disappear to the direction of stairs.

Michael hesitated about entering his room even if he heard what Vic said to him. He doesn't scare to seeing change. Still it was scary that the memory of far-off days was going to dig up his sealed thought. However, he accepts it and has to let it go. Michael opened a door slowly and turned on the switch of the light of the room.

Michael watched the work that his uncle accomplished and smiled. He must have had a hard time to put back this room. Michael walks to a window and touched the Captain Astro's curtain at his hand quietly. The touch of worn cloth seemed to totally touching his own stiff heart. Michael sighed shakily and looked around the room. Before returning to Portland, he had a lot of thing that have to dispose. He needed to settle his some leftover work.

Michael opened small closet's door and climbed on a low stepladder. And carefully moved a panel of the ceiling to aside. Several old notebooks were piled to the ceiling at same condition where he hid it in old days. Quickly Michael took them down and pushed it into the old knapsack that was to the corner of the closet. He didn't need to watch the contents of the notebook. He knew enough what was written there. And several comic books. Michael packed all and walked to the front of the corkboard next. Removing a photograph of him with Brian, and placed it between notebooks. Michael threw away all things left to the corkboard to the garbage can after he recollected memory of the passed days. He opened the clothing storage box of the step of the bed next, and Michael took out one magazine. Of course it was **IT**. His precious secret memory turned into a disgusting past as soon as Brian exposed it to friends. Unfortunately Michael cannot deny that feeling. He put the magazine in garbage can and finally exhaled breath having been held. Michael never looked back toward his old room. Carrying knapsack and garbage can, he went down downstairs quietly. He threw a knapsack onto the sofa of the living room and grabbed only garbage can. Michael took out a matchbox from the drawer of cupboard and passed through the entrance and went toward the backyard.

(Those are burn and become ash. Nothing is left.)

Michael thought darkly. It felt like very clean method. He lit a match and dropped it in garbage can. An old magazine and the papers were given fire in no time and burn redly and smoked and it became mere ash at last.

"You should pour water into there not to spread fire to your mother's house that made with cardboard."

Slowly Michael turned around for the voice that he heard from his rear.

"Hey, Brian."

"Did you begin general cleaning as soon as you arrived at your old house?"

Brian's voice wasn't clear than the voice that he remembered and was muffled. Brian's expression is unreadable. Michael felt his mind irritated a little.

"I just needed to do rearranging personal life. Because I think, that I can't often come to this house anymore."

"What are you burning?"

"The things which became unnecessary for me."

Michael shrugged his shoulders and looked up at the face of taller man.

"Was such a worthless thing what you wanted to say to me that when you saw me? You almost begged me."

"Mikey...When did you become so scathing?"

Uncomfortably, Brian murmured. Michael didn't let his attitude soften.

"I don't know. Though had been seven months since you saw me, don't you give your best friend even a hug?"

"I think you're really pissed at me."

"Whatever you think."

They stared at each other intensely. At the next moment, Michael recognized that his sight became full of Brian and his embrace wrapped him tightly.

"God...Mikey, I missed you so much...!"

Brian savored greedily touch of Michael's body and his unique sweet scent. Nobody can replace Michael. Brian keenly realized his stupidity.

"Then why didn't you pick up my phone if you missed me so much?"

Michael couldn't do even breath in a strong embrace of Brian.

"I can't tell you why, but I just...I didn't think that you preferred David to me."

"What?"

"I felt having been betrayed to you."

"But you said to me that I should go."

Michael pulled back his body a little and stared at Brian's hazel eyes. Brian shook his head slightly.

"Yeah, I remember that, but it wasn't my real intention. I'm the master of denial, you know that."

"Maybe..."

Michael muttered.

"I may have known that. However, after all I would go to David. That time, even if you said anything to me outside sickroom of Justin, nothing was changed practically."

"Oh, yeah?"

Brian whispered as burying his tip of nose in Michael's soft raven-black tresses.

"After all did you go to David even if I said to you that I love you?"

"You never say that."

"I said it a few seconds ago, didn't I?"

Brian traced Michael's smooth cheeks with the pad of his thumb while staring at Michael's enraged face.

"You asshole..."

Michael's mutter was blocked by Brian's passionate kiss. Instead of not being tender at all, that kiss was desperate and violent and naked love and relentless lust. Michael had to grasp fabric of Brian's shirt at his hands firmly not to sink to the ground.

(Brian, you were too late. You were fucking too late...)

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--T B C--


	5. Chapter 5

Cruel reality

**Author: **FOXOReily

**Summary: **Seven months pass after Michael left for Portland. Michael returns to Pittsburgh to spend his holiday. Brian is stuck at relationship with Justin as ever. Michael wants to talk to Brian something, but cannot easily make an opportunity. Time passes pitilessly...

**Rated:** R

**Categories:** Angst, Drama

**Characters:** Brian, Michael, David

**Warnings: **None

**Completed:** Yes

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_Chapter 5_

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Brian's right hand caught the back of Michael's head firmly and savored the soft touch of shiny dark locks having been dreaming and his left hand slid on Michael's spinal column and wandered in the small of the back and was going to approach the tempting round globes.

"What the fuck is going on here?"

Even Justin's strident howl wasn't able to separate Brian from Michael. Brian was absorbed in kissing with Michael. He knew that Michael's lips fascinate his heart anytime. Therefore he couldn't help stealing a kiss from Michael whenever there was an opportunity. And amazingly Michael's compact body was fitting to his every curve. Michael was freed from a spell earlier than Brian, opened his eyes slowly and watched the man's face who is still capturing his lips.

"Brian..."

"Hmm...What?"

"You have to stop this."

"Why?"

"We seem to have company."

"Who?"

Michael chuckled to Brian's monosyllabic questions.

"Justin."

"...Shit."

They remained touching their lips and whispered it. Brian couldn't help leaking grumble because he still wanted to be intoxicated with the softness of Michael's lips. Brian threw dirty look for an instant and confirmed Justin's dumbfounded expression.

"Why is he here, anyway?"

Brian muttered dourly.

Michael looked up Brian's face with amused smile and mouthed 'I told you so'. Brian sighed as slightly shaking his head.

"Can I never escape throughout the life from him?"

"Well, you'll see."

Michael whispered and placed his palms on Brian's chest and pushed quietly.

"Hey, Justin."

Slowly Michael tore off his eyes from Brian's face and turned his eyes towards Justin. Justin must have looked pale. His mouth is moving somehow, but the words didn't come out of there.

"Aww, Sunshine. You must not mind it. This is only the friendly kiss that we often shared until now."

Michael smiled unabashedly to blond kid.

"Oh, really? I think that I have never watched it until now."

Justin stared at the face of the two best friends in turn as complaining. Brian groaned indignantly and scowled at Justin's face.

"Christ...Justin. You must not think that you understand us."

Smirking cynically, Brian continued.

"What can I say? You know, this is our little dirty secret. It is not the thing for enjoying exhibits in public. We are not flasher like you."

"What do you mean?!"

"Justin, you are not undemonstrative at all. King of the Babylon."

Brian said, and massaged Michael's scalp with his fingers tenderly which buried in Michael's hair. Michael rested his back to Brian's chest and smiled at Justin.

"You don't have to take Brian's shit all the time, I think that your dance was very good. By the way, I'm glad that you seem to be well. When I left here, you were still in the hospital's bed. You might not believe it, but your injury was weighing on my mind. Did your injury recover satisfactorily?"

"Yeah...I'm fine now. I can bear most of things if I learn patience."

Justin muttered while restively stealing a glance at them who didn't seem to separate. It always worried him when he saw Brian and Michael being close together. Justin had to know that Brian becomes awfully unstable if there is not a tranquilizer called Michael if concerned with life of Brian.

"How about you, Michael? Are David and you doing well?"

"It's great."

Michael nodded heartily but he noticed Brian's hand who is caressing his chest softly. Justin has begun to fidget visibly. Michael decided to rescue the poor boy who became unable to stay there any longer.

"Why don't we enter the house? Uncle Vic's linguine should be already boiled."

Michael caught and pulled Brian's hand that is still playing with his hair.

"Come on. Brian, Justin."

When they entered the house, Debbie stood in the threshold of the kitchen and was blocking up their course.

"Oh...Hi ma."

"Don't 'Hi ma' me, Michael! What the hell were you doing?"

"Um, well...I thought that you had already known it, this morning, I was going to go to the diner to meet you. But I had to give it up for a terrible hangover."

Michael said to Debbie logically. Debbie wasn't sure whether she could accept the impertinent behavior of her son.

"Listen. If you were downed for a hangover, shouldn't you have told your mother? More before, not today. Didn't you think that you should have told me that you came to here?"

"Probably I should have had it."

Michael shrugged his shoulders and nodded reluctantly.

"I'm sorry that I didn't contact you, and not told you that I came to Pittsburgh."

Michael stared straight at his mother's face without flinching. Debbie didn't like it. On the other hand, Brian was watching exchanges of mother and son interestingly. He hasn't heard that Michael talking to Debbie in this way so far. Brian smirked as sneaking his both arms to Michael's torso smugly.

"What happened to my Mikey?"

"You'll never know."

Michael muttered and looked up at Brian's face tiredly. Debbie hit a big sigh as looking at two best friends. She knew that sometimes Michael become as stubborn as her. Besides, her son returns to Portland again immediately. She wasn't able to find significance that continues this resentment.

"You can hug your son not only yelling at him."

Vic whispered it from the behind of Debbie. Debbie threw out severe eyes to her younger brother.

"I know it well even if not said to you."

And then Debbie held out her both arms to Michael as beckoning her hands.

"Come here. I want to hug my son. Brian, get your hands off from Michael. He's not yours."

Brian untied his arms unwillingly and released Michael. Michael approached as smiling at his mother.

"Ma, you must not lay too much force. My body is making delicate. You can break my ribs."

"Shut up! You little shit."

Michael received Debbie's bear hug resignedly. Michael saw that Vic is smiling and nodding to him.

"Can I get my dinner?"

When Justin's dissatisfied voice said and pulled the chair of the dining table, the embrace of mother and son was untied suddenly. Debbie cleared her throat and freed Michael's body awkwardly.

"Sure, Sunshine! You can watch the meal which Vic prepared on a table. We must start dinner right now."

Their dinner mostly advanced smoothly. Justin reported his favorable life and interesting classes in high spirits from beginning to end and occasionally mentioned his sex life with Brian for an insinuation to Michael. Every time, Brian got irritated and upset by an impudent remark of Justin, but Michael never showed sign of confusion at all without running out of a smile. Actually, Michael thought it was wonderful if relationship of Brian and Justin was constructive and overflowed in love so that Justin talked. Brian needed the person who loves him unconditionally. Justin was a reliable, promising candidate if he couldn't do it. Also even if they have some dissatisfaction each other, Michael was able to think that they are doing almost well.

"So, Michael. The other day, you told to me about the trip of you with David on the phone. Did you have good time?"

Debbie asked it suddenly. Michael could not but admire unconscious sense of smell of his mother.

"Oh, well...We went to Boston to visit David's friends. It was just the weekend trip, but was very significant for us."

"David's friends living in Boston...? I'm sure they're gay couples, aren't they? I have listened to their story from David. Did they marry formally?"

Vic asked. Michael nodded.

"They're the friends of college days of David. They seem to have been so-called high school sweethearts. They're marrying almost twenty years."

"Twenty fuckin' years? God, help them. Although nobody recognizes it, why do they have to marry?"

Brian dropped a voice and muttered sarcastically. Michael looked at Justin nudging Brian's stomach with his elbow mischievously, at inexplicable feeling. Michael had a skeptical part about marriage. Perhaps it would have much influence from Brian, too. However, all was a problem of the necessity when replaced it with his own life. Michael drank up wine of his glass and leaked a tiny sigh. Brian will not like his confession. But he doesn't give a shit anymore.

"In fact, we had married at a church of Boston."

**"WHAT?!" **

Because all the members who surrounded the table exclaimed, Michael rolled his eyes to their intense reaction. Honesty, it was the first time that he brought the fact to light. Michael didn't confide it to even Vic. However, many decision are approaching about a disease of Michael from now on. Thus a formal fact was necessary for them even if it was an unreliable fact. When Michael become unable to decide anything by himself all decision is entrusted to a hand of David.

After all it was Vic to have understood it first. He stood up and hugged Michael.

"Congratulations, son...!"

And then he whispered to Michael's ear.

"I know well that it is necessary for both of you. I respect your decision."

"Thank you, Uncle Vic."

"God...! Did you become a married man?"

Justin gasped and let his sunshine smile explode. The dark clouds that fogged up over his head were swept away!

"Michael Charles Novotny! Did you hide for one fucking month such a serious thing? Without telling your mother! Did you hold a wedding ceremony without your poor mother?"

Debbie was distracted and raved. Michael patted the chubby upper arm of his mother and said soothingly.

"I'm sorry, ma. It was impulsive. We should have prepared the place to announce later. If it is decided, I send a letter of invitation to you. I will accept that you dress me up with the bride's veil then."

"Okay, I forgive you. But you must never forget what you said. I'll kick your little tight ass to Africa if you pretend to forget it even once." 　

Debbie grumbled happily and slapped Michael's head upside down. Vic was about to stand up in a hurry, but Michael stopped it at his eyes. And mouthed 'It's OK'.

Brian heard their interactions silently. Meanwhile, his eyes never left from Michael all the time. He couldn't believe Michael's statement.

(Did Michael say that he married David? Marriage?! What the fuck kind of meaning?!)

In Brian's head, the unpleasant report swirled like a tornado.

(Do you say to me that I have to believe your ridiculous report entirely? What are you trying to prove? Michael, this is it? Is this your answer? Damn it, Mikey!)

Brian felt that bitter gastric juice rose to his throat. If this topic continued like firm reality, he didn't have confidence to keep his sanity.

"I have to go."

Brian muttered absentmindedly and stood up from the chair which he was sitting down on. His eyes stared at Michael's face intensely for an instant. Brian's hazel eyes seemed to be ablaze. Michael took Brian's eyes who scorch depth of his heart without being daunted. All results have some reason. Michael didn't doubt his decision anymore.

(Brian, I know what you're thinking, but I had to do so. You don't need to already pull my plug. You maybe can't bear the burden. When the time came, you can leave me.)

"Why, Brian? We still have dessert."

Justin leaked a complaint and was ignoring the tangle of difficulties of Brian and Michael. Brian looked at Justin's face so that he didn't even know this kid.

"You can stay here, Justin. You don't need to come with me."

"Brian...?"

Justin looked at Brian that walked toward the exit in utter amazement.

"You can take out your dessert."

Michael said to Justin.

"Go, run after him and take care of him."

Debbie wrapped the plate of the cake quickly and handed it to Justin. And they saw off a back figure of Justin running after Brian hurriedly. Vic couldn't help feeling sorry for Brian. He understood well that Brian's heart was wounded deeply and would be at a loss. However, Vic didn't forget that Michael experienced the lostness first in the same way. He inspected nephew's face carefully. Michael was gazing at the air blankly, but noticed Vic's eyes and smiled slightly. The smile tinted of the reconciliation.

Debbie watched the quiet features of her son for a while after Brian and Justin left. And opened her mouth slowly.

"So, Michael. You married, that meaning...did you completely get over Brian?"

In the inconsiderate remark of mother, Michael smiled forlornly.

"Do you think it is possible for us?"

"Us?"

Debbie repeated itself in her mouth. Michael shook his head while cutting a lemon soufflé tart which Vic made for him with a fork.

"I and Brian. The reality can be different from an appearance. In clinging to each other, we were always equal."

"Oh, honey, of course Brian loves you. But, it's not same as..."

Debbie started to say, but, by a scathing glance of Vic, had to swallow it. Debbie and Vic watched Michael finished eating his dessert quietly. While he tasted the best dessert which the uncle made, Michael didn't want to speak anything. They didn't take a topic about Brian at all afterwards. It was the smart choice for them. They talked about their present condition report and chatted and succeeded to spending their time friendlily.

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Until a cab came to pick Michael up in front of the house, Debbie negotiated patiently to Michael that he should stay at here, but wasn't able to keep him in the house after all.

"Are you all right?"

When Michael was going to get into a cab, Vic asked unobtrusively. Michael nodded slowly and put his hand on the door of the cab.

"I and Brian know that we can't build each other's relationship like expecting. He just got sentimental for loneliness a little."

Michael said. Vic knit his eyebrows and tilted his head.

"Do you really think so?"

"When I decided to move to Portland, I decided to think so."

And Michael got into a car.

"I think that was good...We would surely lose our sense by now at gap of the hell if we became lovers."

"Lost your presence from his life, he has already fallen into that state now. If he is not with you, Brian can't be himself."

Vic cupped Michael's cheek by his right hand. Michael smiled at Vic weakly.

"I know it's my fault. I may have induced him to depend on me to detain him. But I think that I'm enraging Brian fiercely now. The anger will become the driving force to surely remove me from his head."

"Brian can never eject you from his heart. You know that."

"Yeah...probably. But I can't do anything."

Michael muttered. Vic didn't intend to destroy the life of Michael and David, but wanted to give Brian the last chance.

"Michael, tell him."

"...What?"

"Tell him. You should tell him what kind of situation there is you into."

"Oh, no...I can't...Uncle Vic..."

"Michael, eventually you'll destroy his heart. If that's the case, shouldn't you tell the truth to him?"

"Uncle Vic...It's impossible for me to decide it now. I'll call you tomorrow."

Michael closed the door of the cab and signaled a driver. Vic breathed sigh of anguish deeply while seeing a cab off.

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The distance to the loft was the worst. He wasn't sure why he accepted that Justin got into a jeep together with him. Actually, Brian held even nausea while feeling presence of Justin who was sitting to the seat next to him. It was unbearable that there was another person who was near so as to feel temperature.

"Brian, what the hell is wrong with you?"

Unrest blurred on a voice of Justin. He didn't want to think that Brian was upset because that knew marriage of Michael and David. However, it was clear at a glance that it was a cause. It was aggravating to accept the fact, but what could have a clear influence on Brian was only Michael as far as he knew it at least. He learned it very early. Oh, yes, Brian ridiculously loves Michael. Brian seemed not to be able to feel relieved unless there was his little Mikey near him. However, Justin didn't yet understand well what kind of love it is.

"Were you shock that much as Michael was married?"

Justin didn't think that a frank answer was provided from Brian, but he decided to challenging it daringly.

"Why are you so upset? I know that you love Michael and think carefully. However, on earth what kind of love is it?　I don't intend to believe the shit which you always advocate anymore."

"Fuck...What are you talking about? Justin, what the fuck do you want?"

"Brian, stop your bullshit! I know both of you have some feelings. It's not as just only the best friend's thing."

Justin leaned on a back of the seat with a thud.

"I can't trust you anymore even if you're trying to deny it. You two hold things more than it for each other."

"If you think I'm untrustworthy, you don't need to believe me. However, I don't intend to present an answer to become instead to you."

"You love Michael. It is a well-known fact. But not only it but also you want Michael. God... Why didn't I notice it? After all you're the one in love as hell with your best friend. Did you want to fuck Michael all the time? Did you have sexual feelings toward him since you were kid? A story of the hand-job with Michael whom you exposed to gang... Although you were attracted all the time to him, but nothing could do afterwards?"

"Justin...I think that you should shut the your fucking mouth right now."

Brian said in a deadly quiet voice. Justin had a shudder for fear for an instant, but didn't want to stop this fight.

"Do you say again that I can understand nothing of you two?"

"Oh, believe me, unfortunately it is the fact."

When stopped for a signal, Brian threw a taunting glance to Justin. Justin felt that his cheeks flushed for anger.

"Okay, probably I may understand nothing. But I understand one thing that you're hopeless moron asshole. You gave to the other man the man who madly loved in all of your hearts, and have married him off. You did nothing until the situation became irreparable although knew that he took your hand if you kneeled before him."

Justin stared unable to believe while Brian shook his head subtly and let a jeep go off.

"Even though, do you still do nothing...?"

"It is Michael's decision. We respect each other's will. It was our tacit consent."

Brian muttered.

"Michael chose David and decided to marry him. If it is what he decided, anyone should respect it. Even if I think about anything, it doesn't matter."

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--T B C--


	6. Chapter 6

Cruel reality

**Author: **FOXOReily

**Summary: **Seven months pass after Michael left for Portland. Michael returns to Pittsburgh to spend his holiday. Brian is stuck at relationship with Justin as ever. Michael wants to talk to Brian something, but cannot easily make an opportunity. Time passes pitilessly...

**Rated:** R

**Categories:** Angst, Drama

**Characters:** Brian, Michael, David

**Warnings: **None

**Completed:** Yes

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_Chapter 6_

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Michael took a shower immediately after he arrived at the room of the hotel. Michael wanted to soon wash away Brian's incredibly good smell and touch of Brian's wandering hands that was still lingering on his skin and wanted to forget feel of Brian's delectable warm body that embraced him from a back. However, Michael wasn't upset particularly, about budding desire in his body. He understood properly the effects that Brian gave to his body and mind. He can deal with it. Formerly, that desire was harmful to him and had to cover it desperately. It always ended in useless resistance, and exposing own feeling made him feel miserable anytime. But it didn't threaten him now. He loves Brian. It cannot change. He accepts the feelings as the thing which can't control, and can handle it. Under a shower that dash against his body like the flow of intense waterfall, Michael remembered Brian's face who was staring at him.

(His face...His eyes which was gazing at me. I deprived from him the things which he believed ever.)

Michael was able to expect Brian's feeling. Now, he knows that Brian thought he was betrayed to him. In fact, Brian said so. And like attack befell him one after another, Michael gave to Brian the decisive blow. David and his marriage would be the worst development for Brian.

(Maybe Brian never trusts me anymore. He builds the walls around him and never lets me in. He goes away from me. Michael, you knew it well. Brian receives disgusting reality and will disappear from your life.)

Unbelievably himself, a certain meaning, it was what Michael expected.

Forcibly refreshing a feeling, after he got out from bathroom Michael called Emmett at first. He promised to go to the workplace of Emmett and Ted tomorrow in apology for today's blunder.

"Sweetie, while there is you in a studio, I try not to stand in front of camera. However, you may watch some fabulous performances."

The manner of speaking of Emmett seemed to still hide some fun in his sleeve. Michael decided to just please delighted Emmett having some secrets.

When they were living together, they shared most of their information. Surprisingly, about the personal information that you must not really leak, Emmett never let out it. Actually, Emmett may have known a journey of Michael than Brian if about the one nights trick or the short-term boyfriends. However, the situation changed. Michael couldn't disclose to Emmett the big secret that he is keeping. Michael considered what he talks about to Emmett. Probably he'll report to Emmett and Ted that he and David married. If Debbie and Justin knew it, it's a matter of time that the fact spreads. The reaction of Emmett may be near to his mother. When Michael imagined it, he could not but chuckle.

When Michael had begun to doze off on a bed, his cell-phone sounded. Michael smiled when saw the ID of the screen.

"Hey, David."

"Hey, cutie. I was able to finally catch you."

David's deep gentle voice tickled Michael's ear. Michael stretched out his body on a bed as rubbing his eyes.

"Aww, were you going to catch me? You have already had me."

"Oh, probably...but your cell-phone was off all day. Was it busy day?"

"Mmm...I'm sorry. Actually, I felt sick and was sleeping to evening."

Michael tossed about and pressed his cheeks to the softness of the pillow. Michael heard David's anxious voice appeal to him.

"Michael, I worry about you. This visit may have been too big burden for you. I should have gone with you. Are you all right now?"

"Yeah, I'm fine now. Uncle Vic took care of me and luckily I recovered in the evening. Oh and I ate dinner at mother's house. Besides, Brian and Justin were there too."

Michael told brightly to reduce worry of David. Michael heard David inhale briefly.

"Ah, Brian... Was he sober this time?"

David asked. Giggling quietly, Michael said to David the same thing that Brian said to him.

"He was sober almost as same as when he was born to the ground."

"And Justin? What kind of aftereffects does he have?"

"I think he's all right. Apparently he doesn't change before the case. Some impediments seem to be left on his hand, but he seems to continue the rehabilitation, and probably will heal if he can spend time patiently."

'His case was different from me' Michael felt envy a little. But he blew out the negative thought.

"Well, David. I reported our marriage to them."

"Oh my God, really?"

David said for true surprise. Honesty, he didn't expect it to Michael. Especially, in front of Brian, David thought that Michael would keep on hiding the information.

"Brian would be upset."

"He is, but he digests it."

Michael muttered.

"He is hating marriage not only mocking. I think that it's based on a trauma of his childhood. He used to preach it to me about the stupidity of the gay men's marriage in old days. Perhaps, he'll be furious at me who broke his teaching."

"I can see you seem to torture Brian."

"Oh...Do you think so?"

"Obviously."

"Yeah...I know, but, why not?"

"Michael, it is spiteful."

David told reprovingly. Michael closed his eyelids and sighed. Being prick for Brian was much more easy for Michael than leak his secret to Brian.

Michael couldn't withstand that he made Brian sad. If it is inevitable thing, angering Brian is much better.

"Did you tell your disease to Debbie?"

David asked in a calm voice. Michael dropped his shoulders.

"I couldn't tell her. She is looking forward to our wedding reception. She'll prepare the bride's veil for me."

"Wow, do you wear a wedding dress? I think that a tuxedo becomes you."

"Oh, c'mon, it is a mere joke. I don't wear fuckin' wedding dress."

"Yeah, I hope so."

David chuckled and said to Michael.

"There is still time. You can tell to her after surgery."

David wasn't sure whether it was right thing, but he could understand why Michael couldn't tell it to his mother. David decided not to push Michael hard.

"I meet Melanie tomorrow, and intend to have her adjust my documents."

Michael muttered slowly. David noticed Michael is processing what he decided that cleared it up steadily.

"Do you give me power-of-attorney for medical decision seriously?"

"I hope so. May I entrust you with it?"

Michael asked hesitatingly. David's heart hurt for Michael's insecure voice. On earth why must he talk to Michael on the phone here? He wanted to hold Michael's hand at the side of Michael.

"I hope it, too. But I pray so that that duty doesn't come if it is possible."

"I'm sorry...David. I didn't want to give you hard time."

"Michael, you don't need to apologize to me. God...are you okay with it?　Can you accomplish it alone?"

Michael heard David's distressing voice. If David was here, Michael thought how much he could feel secure.

"David, may I call you when I can't withstand? Will you come to pick me up?"

"Sure, sure, Michael. I fly to you."

"Good..."

"Michael, I miss you so much."

"Me too."

"Hank and Laurie miss you too. Especially Hank is so anxious because he's thinking that maybe you don't come back to Portland."

"Oh, no...You have to tell him that I certainly return to Portland. Plus, I retrieved vintage comic books that I promised to him, and the stories I wrote in the days of his age."

"Did you write stories? Let me see...Is it a fight of a hero and the villain?"

"Those are more than that. I didn't have the talent to drawing, but I was confident of accuracy of the spelling. If you read this, you'll be surprised by my imagination."

"You are the continuation of wonderful surprise for me. You changed me into a robot freak."

Michael smiled dazzlingly for David's words.

"Okay, you can touch my superalloy transformation robot made in Japan."

"I want to touch your skin than it."

"I'll dream of you tonight."

Michael muttered and sank in a blanket.

"Please give to Laurie and Hank my kiss and Hello."

"I will."

"David...I'm tired. May I sleep now?"

"Yes, you can. Have a sweet dream, Michael...I love you. See you soon."

"I love you, too. I'll go back soon."

.

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.

Brian went directly to baths after having taken down Justin from a jeep in front of Daphne's apartment. Justin wasn't the convenient tool which he could use for pain management anymore. Brian knew that Justin noticed the duty that he took and was hurts.

"Eventually, I forgive you and will wish I fuck you again. It is exasperating, but I must admit it. However, it is not today."

The blond boy bore to shed tears desperately. Brian felt sorry for Justin. He really minded Justin. It could say that it was some kind of love. However, it wasn't a best plan tonight that they place each other near each other.

Brian needed to work off his depressed negative energy by somewhere or somebody if he couldn't use Justin. It was baths to have it most easily. Human sexual desire doesn't subside even if the Sunday night. Human being is the creature always in the mating season. That's why they had many place that accepted horny gay men. Brian jumped into nearest baths that could reach easily. Brian knew that it was the lame escapism. Deceiving anguish to pleasure of carnal desires was too irrelevant and meaningless resistance. However, the feel of Michael who lingered in the depths of his body was too vivid. He was disappointed and was angry fiercely, but still wanted Michael. If Michael's heart is not already his, Brian wanted Michael's body. That dangerous desperate passion flabbergasted himself to Brian.

(Once, all the time, he was there for me.)

Brian wasn't able to forget a Michael's boyish innocent smile. The shiny big brown eyes which look up at him. Michael was always blushing at his silly remark. Once, it was a precious thing only for him without mistake.

(But, I continued leaving him. And Michael has gone all too soon.)

"That little fucker! Why couldn't you wait for me?"

The more anger increasing, Brian felt that his eroticism was heightened and became out of control. That phenomenon was funny even for himself. For appeasing turbulent feeling like falling into dyspnea, Brian needed to release his carnal desires at first.

Brian walks in the bathhouse. He continued moving in the dusky lascivious illumination. The porn movies are projecting with the monitors. Brian was walking a dark hallway. They bailed on each other while passing several guys, and valuing each other. Several times, Brian took a peek into the rooms along the hallway. Most of the rooms were occupied, but there wasn't the entertainment that he wanted to participate in. While keeps moving, Brian saw a familiar guy walking out of one of the rooms.

"Brian! What are you doing here in the middle of hell?"

Brian wasn't able to remember the name of the guy, but smiled thinly.

"I felt wanting to be roasted for fire and brimstone."

"If you want it, you're in the most suitable place. See anything interesting?"

"Well...I don't know yet. Maybe, the raven-black hair, smooth flawless pale skin, and nice compact body...?"

"Oh, yeah, him? You definitely seem to look for an angel of the hell."

The overweight guy smiled indecently as rubbing his potbelly.

"Brian, you must pay the considerable price."

"Can't I get markdowns?"

"It's impossible. The angel will demand the meat of your heart. Tell me, if you find the angel. I'll help you capture an angel. While you fucking angel, I stick my finger in your ass and support you."

"Touchy. You seem to my real pal, man."

Brian smiled and passed him then entered a dark room. Many guys having sex with each other. Brian silently leaned on the walls and was thinking deeply.

(Mikey, I give it to you if you want my heart. But, do you want nothing anymore from me?)

.

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.

.

When thought about the difficulty of the mutual understanding, talking to Melanie was easy than talking to anyone. Michael was able to trust Melanie without doubt. Because of the profession, she understood about the duty to protect privileged information better than anyone. Actually, Michael talked about his situation to Melanie earlier than Vic. When he married David, Michael thought about the matter that he must finish doing seriously for the first time. The power of attorney about the medical decision was first to have to do. He had Melanie make the documents which entrusted Brian with the decision after Ted woke from the coma by the overdose. It was only a simple verbal promise exchanged with Brian in a dance floor of the Babylon, but that moment Michael thought Brian was the only one that achieves the duty for him. When received Michael's request, Melanie is disgusted and rolled her eyes, but she understood relationship of him and Brian unexpectedly. And this time, he renewing the power of attorney; in addition, about assets list and the making of the will, she promised full-scale cooperation to Michael.

When Michael arrived at her office, he received unexpected welcome. What has waited for Michael was toddler with Melanie.

"Michael, I'm glad that I can see you again!"

Melanie turned beaming smile to Michael. Melanie stood up from the armchair which she sat down on and hugged Michael.

"Honey, you look fabulous."

"Umm...good enough for the man who is half-dead?"

Michael kissed Melanie's cheeks and smiled. Melanie punched Michael's biceps lightly and frowned.

"Don't be smart ass. But are you really all right?"

"I can't say that I'm all right if I talk about the fact. I have surgery next weekend. I have no idea at all how the thing turns out."

"Fuck, Michael...I can't yet believe it."

Melanie shook her head sorrowfully.

"But the reality doesn't forgive me."

Michael lifted the boy who is clinging to his legs after shrugged his shoulder.

"Jesus, you must be Gus."

When Michael rubbed the tip of his nose against the tip of boy's nose, the boy squeaked and laughed.

"I thought that you would want to meet him."

Melanie nodded to Michael.

"In fact, Lindsay had to go for interview of new work today. We recruit a baby-sitter ordinarily, but I knew that you came to here today."

"Thank you Mel. I really wanted to see Gus. He was bigger than my guess."

"Because he has a gene of Lindsay and Brian, I'm sure he'll grow big."

Melanie smirked.

"He became unmanageable suddenly when he began to walk. Can you believe it? He has begun to already ignore our order."

"I can understand it. It must be completely a gene of Brian. Gus looks just like Brian."

Michael muttered while looking at Gus's cheerful face. Melanie groaned and waved her hand.

"You must not make me displease. I think that Gus looks just like Lindsay."

"Of course Gus resembles her closely."

Michael moved to a chair placed in front of Melanie's desk as holding Gus.

"Oh, by the way, I married David."

"Christ...!! Are you kidding me?"

"No kidding. We married. Therefore your work has a big meaning this time."

Michael smiled to Melanie. Melanie watched Michael's expression to inspect him.

"But you don't wear wedding ring."

"Because I said to nobody, I had to hide a fact first of all."

"And does everybody know it now?"

"My mother, Uncle Vic, Brian, Justin. They knew it when the yesterday's dinner. When I met Emmett and Ted in the afternoon, I'm going to talk to them."

Melanie paid attention to what Michael said.

"Brian knew your marriage and how did he react?"

"He stood up from a chair and left the place."

"Only that?"

"Yes."

Michael nodded. Melanie gaped.

"He must have been awfully shock."

"I don't know... maybe... "

Michael shook his head and sighed. Melanie commiserated with both of them.

"Michael...Did you tell about your disease to Brian?"

"I'll never talk it to him. It is only Uncle Vic and you to know my disease. I couldn't tell to my mother either."

Melanie was able to feel a pain of Michael. She watched the face of the man who is dandling Gus on the laps calmly.

"I have no objection if you are happy."

"I'm very happy now except that I'm sick."

Michael smiled softly to Melanie.

"Well, we had better settle difficult work early."

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.

"Brian, you have a visitor."

When Cynthia's voice told him, Brian thought whether it was Michael. It was slight expectation, but was enough to make Brian's heart leap. However, naturally the name that Cynthia uttered wasn't Michael.

"Lindz...What do you want?"

"Thank you for a generous welcome. Jesus...Brian, aren't you glad that you can see me?"

While walking Brian's office, Lindsay squared her shoulders. Brian noticed that Lindsay gathered up her blond hair properly. And she was wearing a quite ascetic suit.

"Did you go somewhere? I thought that you're washing, cooking, and working hard for care of Gus in the house. You don't seem to be with Gus today. Where is he?"

"Brian. Are you going to question me?"

Lindsay was disgusted and stared at Brian's face tiredly.

"I take care of my baby and don't abandon it. Gus is in the Melanie's office."

"Did you say that that cunt took an infant to her workplace?"

"She is equal with me, and she is his mother, too."

Lindsay smiled and sat down on a leather sofa.

"In fact, I had an interview of new work today."

"Ouch, have you already got tired of housewife?"

Brian asked knowingly. Lindsay shrugged her shoulder and took an apple from the basket which was on a coffee table.

"I thought that I should have gone to work soon. You know, the child care takes money."

"I thought that I supported you enough."

Brian complained dubitatively. Lindsay nodded.

"Oh, you're helping us enough. But I want to avoid that it becomes a commonplace."

"Of course you can assemble your life as you like."

Brian sat in the opposite side of Lindsay and watched her eyes.

"However, you don't need to forget that you can count on me."

"I know it."

Lindsay smiled heartily and grasped Brian's right hand with her both hands.

"You're good father. You know that?"

"No I am not. I already gave him up."

Brian muttered and pulled off his hand from Lindsay's elegant hands.

"By the way, you didn't tell the reason to me why you came to here, did you?"

"Oh, well...In fact, I came to take you into a lunch. You know, Michael is coming now to make some documents in Mel's office. We were going to have a lunch together. I thought you wanted to participate, that's why I stopped at here. Did you already meet Michael?"

Lindsay asked. Brian felt that his heart ached. If Michael had make some kind of documents to Melanie, it must have been connected with their marriage.

"I saw Michael last night in Debbie's house."

Brian said to Lindsay in a flat voice.

"Did you know that he married with David?"

"What? Oh my God!! Is it true?"

Lindsay screamed in joyful surprise and put her hand to her widely opened mouth.

"It is wonderful, isn't it?"

"Yeah, right."

Brian replied sarcastically.

"Michael has fallen into pretty housewife same as you."

"Brian..."

Lindsay watched Brian with eyes including the sympathy somewhat.

"I can understand your feeling, but I think that you should be pleased for Michael."

"Why should I?"

"Because he has a right to becoming happy."

Lindsay persuaded Brian in a quiet voice.

"You couldn't give him it. And now, when you're with Justin, Michael chased his happiness. Do you deny it?"

"You're misunderstanding it."

Brian leaned on the back of the sofa while waving his head.

"What I'm saying is that Michael did stupid choice. A homosexual marries and can't go well. David is not faithful so that Michael thinks. He has a criminal record. Michael will cry again anyway."

"No, Brian. David loves Michael very much. You should admit it. I think that he wants to make Michael happy seriously and is making an effort about it."

"Exactly! The good doctor can't make Michael happy if he don't make a lot of effort."

"Brian...I can't help you."

Lindsay smiled sadly and stared at Brian's beautiful face. She was able to sense Brian's perplexity and an irritation feeling.

"You have Justin. He loves you. Didn't you prefer him to Michael?"

"I have no idea where that thought was springing out of."

Brian pressed his both hands to his chest, and pretended to be really surprised. Lindsay sighed and stood up from a sofa.

"May it have been a mistake that I came to ask you? If you meet Michael, you'll surely give Michael hard time."

Lindsay clouded her face and muttered. Brian reached out his hand and caught Lindsay's forearm. He didn't intend to choose the means anymore if he could see Michael. Probably if just two of them, Michael will never want to meet him.

"Wait...! I go with you. I'll behave myself."

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-- T B C --


	7. Chapter 7

Cruel reality

**Author: **FOXOReily

**Summary: **Seven months pass after Michael left for Portland. Michael returns to Pittsburgh to spend his holiday. Brian is stuck at relationship with Justin as ever. Michael wants to talk to Brian something, but cannot easily make an opportunity. Time passes pitilessly...

**Rated:** R

**Categories:** Angst, Drama

**Characters:** Brian, Michael, David

**Warnings: **None

**Completed:** Yes

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.

_Chapter 7_

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Michael didn't expect Brian's appearance. If usually, they maybe can spend a few days stubbornly without talking like the junkies who bear withdrawal symptoms. Probably it was their limit. However, it was unexpected for Michael that Brian appeared before him at only one night.

(Did he come back to make snide remarks to me? Does he want to just make me embarrassed in front of Melanie and Lindsay?)

Michael felt that his stomach was churned, but watching Brian's face that thought that he might not see anymore couldn't say it was bad thing. After all he loved Brian Kinney.

Seven months across them specifically changed Brian. They had a lot of changes during seven months, but Brian understood how lack of Michael is wrecking him. He will never waste time. The teaching of Vic is valuable. Brian didn't ignore advice of Vic. It was hard, but drastic strategic adjustment was necessary for him.

(Michael, you must not think that you can return to Portland quietly as it is. You should have been more careful.)

Considering many obstacles which lay scattered between them, Brian calculated the shortest distance to arrive at Michael in his head. Directly, Brian approached Michael. He had no intention to let Michael go. Brian had to touch Michael to regain the intimacy that they had before. They should be got the comfort that was not provided from anyone into each other's arms. Brian had to remind Michael of it.

Michael stared at Brian who is approaching straight him without looking to either side.

(God, he's fuckin' gorgeous.)

Brian who was walking into the restaurant with Lindsay was breathtaking gorgeous as always. Michael liked seeing Brian attracting people's attention. The scene made him proud for some reason. In a special meaning, Brian had no change in that he was his Brian eternally. Brian has always-special places inside of Michael. The place didn't disappear inside of him even if Michael married David. Michael wasn't sure whether Brian understood it or not. And Michael wasn't sure whether Brian is satisfied with that alone even if he knew it.

"Hey, Mikey. Surprised, huh?"

"Hey, Brian... You're here."

"Yep."

Brian caught both Michael's shoulders by his hands and drew Michael's body confidently into his arms. The embrace seemed to totally insist on possession. In Brian's embrace, Michael had to suppress his groan for an instant. Michael knew that Brian was trying to let him surrender.

Tangling soft raven-black hair of the back of Michael's head to his fingers, Brian devoured Michael's feel. And after having hugged Michael fully he pressed his lips to Michael's forehead.

"Did you miss me?"

"Oh, well...I didn't know that you came to here today."

Michael said as stealing out of Brian's embrace gently. Brian watched Michael's pinkish blushing perplexed face and smiled smugly.

"Because, Lindsay came to pick me up expressly. I wanted to meet my sonny boy."

Since wiggling his fingers and having provoked laughter of Gus, Brian declared it to Michael.

"And you."

"I thought that you're getting angry at me."

"Umm, I still am."

Brian hooked his arm to Michael's shoulder and whispered to Michael's ear.

"But, it's not big deal. You can be divorced anytime. You don't become pregnant with good doctor's baby, and can run away anytime from the mansion of boring country."

Michael chuckled for Brian's forcible pretext.

"Yeah, you can say anything."

"Eventually, you'll come back with me. We're unrivaled dynamic duo. Remember?"

Brian smiled at Michael alluringly with full of confidence. Melanie rolled her eyes while hearing the secret exchanges of best friends. In her eyes, they didn't seem to be changed anything after all. Brian denies all the things inconvenient for him, and Michael smiles at it by reconciliation. The Brian and Mikey's show seemed to continue running eternally. Melanie was not able to understand why they act like that. She thought that Michael should have kicked Brian's ass. If David was here he will wish Michael try it at least.

"Hello, Brian. I had to predict that Lindsay hauled you."

"You know that Lindsay is smart."

"Oh, I don't know, I doubt it now."

"Mel!"

Lindsay gaped so that the words of her companion were unbelievable.

"Brian promised to me to behave himself. Anyway, Michael, I heard your greatest news! Congratulations on marriage! Why didn't you invite us to the wedding ceremony?"

Lindsay hugs Michael, and patted his cheeks tenderly with her hands. Michael smiled at Lindsay and shrugged his shoulders.

"We hit on it impulsively in Boston on travel. No-one knew it. Practically, we took an oath by only two of us."

"Oh, sweetie, I think that have been very romantic for both of you."

"Yes, definitely. But, scary thing is my mom is ready and waiting for our wedding reception. Probably she'll intend to clear herself from her pent-up complaint at there. Anyway, I'll send a letter of invitation to you as soon as the date and time are fixed."

"It's wonderful, isn't it?!"

Lindsay turned brilliant smile toward Melanie. Melanie nodded and received Lindsay and Brian on their table.

"Well...we had better sit down. She wants to take the order from us."

Melanie smiled engagingly at the waitress who is waiting behind them patiently. Lindsay sighed dreamily as sitting next to Melanie.

"David is a mature splendid person. In spite of rudeness of repeated Brian, he didn't give up getting you. Michael, you're very lucky man. Anyone must want to get a person like him."

Michael smiled at Lindsay's words.

"Yeah...I know that. Behavior like his protector for me sometimes irritated me, but for now, we understood each other's faults."

"Aww, isn't it ideal relationship?"

"Oh, c'mon! Stop that mellow conversation before my tooth melts."

Brian complained disgustedly, but his expression was unreadable.

"But...You know, I think David is the one lucky man. Because he has you, Mikey, you're the person who is fun to watch."

Brian said playfully and nudged Michael's ribs. Michael grunted to Brian's tease.

"Jesus, Brian...Thank you very much for the insincere compliment. I'm sooo glad!"

Melanie heard their ostensible harmless conversation blankly. She knew that bright reality with possibility did not have it. She wished a letter of invitation from Michael and David having been coming. And she prayed for Michael coming back before them after finishing his surgery. And she hoped heartily that Michael's disease heal if it came true.

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.

.

.

"Brian. You didn't have to do this."

On their way to studio of Ted, Michael said to Brian. Brian insisted on taking Michael to the studio of Ted after seeing Gus and Melanie and Lindsay off at the parking lot of the restaurant.

"Don't you need to go back to work?　I could pick up a cab."

"Nonsense! I had day off in the afternoon. You don't need to mind about anything. Actually, my power in the company is growing bigger than before."

"Wow, your subordinates must be in hell of great fear every day."

Michael smirked as shaking his head. Brian shrugged his shoulders and pursed his lips.

"They find value to be worthy of work with me. About the advertisement, I'm a genius."

"Yeah, I'd no doubt that."

Michael nodded as smiling to frank self-confidence of Brian. Brian glanced at a profile of Michael and returned his eyes to the road. Frankly, Brian still couldn't believe that Michael married David. That choice may have seemed to be Michael, but Brian thought that it seemed to be hardly Michael at the same time.

"Deb would be surely delighted."

"About what?"

Because it was too sudden, Michael didn't understand what Brian mentioned for an instant.

"Your marriage."

"Oh...yes, she would."

"I know, when you found David, she was pleased to be in seventh heaven. If she can push you into David's arms, she minded no stratagem."

Brian remembered the 30th birthday party of Michael. However, it was his own decision that was pushed through to her and to have played a clown. Brian cannot deny it.

"Eventually, everything went just as she wanted."

"Well, did she do something?"

Michael asked innocently. Brian felt his throat was tightened and cannot speak. To Brian, it was too pitiful event to clarify. Michael received that Brian says nothing and turned his eyes to the outside of the window.

"I don't know what she did concretely and don't even want to know it. But, she would do it for me. She is my mother. She wanted her son to find happiness. Even if she schemed something in it if the man himself didn't move, it never happened. David loved me, and I loved David, too. Therefore here are we are."

"You mean, don't you want to know the fact?"

Brian pretended to be indifference and asked. Michael nodded while observing Brian's handsome face.

"Probably it is not important for me that I know a fact anymore."

"I see."

Brian felt disappointment in a plain answer of Michael, but put the disappointment to the side quickly.

"You said that you two married impulsively, but were you enlightened by David's monogamy friends?"

"Um, I'm not so sure, but, they were very peaceful, and saw very happily."

"Did you want it, too?"

Brian asked. Michael thought a little and nodded slowly.

"I think, yes. You know, I'm not adroit man. It is enough having one man in my bed. David loved me and we were already becoming a family. We thought that there might be the thing which could express our state."

"Yeah, I can understand it."

Brian muttered softly. Michael continued looking at Brian suspiciously. It was strange that a negative argument didn't come out of Brian's mouth. Usually Brian thoroughly enjoys teasing him and would let him regret that he married. However, it was only confirmation of the facts to have gone out of Brian's mouth, and the words to humiliate him never came out. It made Michael rather fall into uneasiness. Michael sunk in his thought absentmindedly till a jeep stopped and Brian called his name.

"Michael."

"Hmm...What?"

"We arrived at the destination."

Ted's studio was in the right down the middle of the Liberty Avenue. The old, small frontage building did not attract attention at all from the outside, but the inside vigor was a quite good thing.

"Brian, have you come to here ever?"

Michael asked Brian while passing a black male performer that have clearly unordinary bulge. He full-turned like a super model walking the runway and winked at Michael. Brian pointed at the performer who disappeared in a filming booth, and said to Michael.

"I have watched him in 'My first huge cock'. Mikey, he surely has something. In that boxer, eleven-half junior is sleeping."

"I know that you know a lot about the information of that field. So, Brian...Haven't you come to here so far?"

Michael asked again. Brian nodded ambiguously while looking in on-air booth that sexiest actor began to jerk off.

"I think you didn't know it, but I was estranged from them during a little."

"Brian, you had better mend it. They are your good friends."

Michael stroked Brian's arm at his palm quietly. Brian smiled as feeling Michael's hand touching him soothingly.

"They are not."

"Why?"

"I mean, they're not my friends. They're your friends, Mikey."

"Brian, it's not true. They're your friends too and really worried about you."

"They were just interesting what happen next. Do I jump off the rooftop of the building by myself? Or merely falling into the hell?"

"You don't do such a thing."

"Believe me, actually, I was almost losing my sanity."

Brian touched Michael's cheeks with back of his fingers and stared at Michael's face longingly.

"It was not simple for me."

"Brian..."

When Michael was about to say something, screeching shout of Emmett stopped it.

"Sweetie! Are you finally arrived at here?"

"Hi, Em!" 　

"I thought that you came to here before lunch."

"Oh, sorry, I met Melanie and Lindsay."

"Ah-hah, you were munching greasy lunch with munchers and then brought Brian here with you."

Emmett investigated them to fathom it. Brian looked around indifferently in a building to avoid Emmett's eyes. Michael nodded to Emmett.

"Yes. We took lunch together with Brian."

Emmett smiled from ear to ear, and compared two of them.

"Thus did you two make up?"

"We didn't do a fight."

Brian muttered sullenly. Emmett rolled his eyes and fanned around at his hand.

"Yeah, right, whatever. Michael forgives you immediately, and you forget what yourself did to him immediately. It's same old thing."

"I say it's none of your fuckin' business."

"Emmett, where is Ted?"

Michael decided to interrupt attack against Brian of Emmett. It wasn't what Michael wants now.

"Oh! Ted is talking with an architect who charges of reconstruction in the third floor now. We respond the needs of the audience and had to need increasing channels. We're going to found a new filming booth and control room in the third floor."

"You two seem to have really got success."

"You know, sweetie, human being cannot separate from sexual desire. We can get success if we understand where we tickle them."

"Oh, I know that, too."

Brian said and raised his hand. Emmett sighed and after cleared his throat, he whispered into Michael's ear as reaching out his long arm to Michael's shoulder.

"Anyway, I think that you had better watch our architect."

"An architect?"

When Michael asked Emmett, the office's door was open and Ted and another man entered the room.

"Michael! Did you appear at last?"

"Hey, Teddy. I'm sorry for yesterday."

"You don't need to worry about that. You're here now."

Ted smiled and held Michael's shoulder lovingly. When Ted touched Michael, Brian was seized with the impulse that wanted to always tear off Ted's hands from Michael. Brian felt that Ted always touched Michael intentionally and was fondling Michael's body wistfully at his eyes. Brian interpreted so Ted's inward at least.

"OK, Ted. You had better withdraw your nasty hands from Michael."

Brian picked up Ted's forearm just like touching filth and tore it off from Michael's waist. Ted growled as scowling at Brian with indignant look.

"Brian, how surprised! Nice to see you again, sir. You seem to have been well."

"Thank you, I have been very favorable. By the way, I bless the success of your business."

Brian added it in a perfunctory manner. Ted snorted and introduced Brian to his cohort.

"Brady, he is the famous Brian Kinney."

"Yeah, I know him. I saw him in every place of the Liberty Avenue and heard his flourished reputation. Fortunately we were not related for role allotment conflicting till now."

The man responded Ted in a calm voice.

"How wasteful you are. Do you never do a bottom? I think you can do it very well."

Brian said impolitely, and licked up and down the man's figure with his eyes.

"...Brady?"

Michael peeked in the owner of the voice over Brian's shoulder.

(I see...it was this that Emmett hid in his sleeve.)

"Hey, beautiful."

When he called to Michael so, Brian recognized who this man was. Not to mention, Brian listened to this man from Michael. Those conversation exchanged with Michael in the past ached in a chest of Brian. What did he say to Michael first? Probably he must have urged Michael to do it this man. It was usual practice of Brian who sneered relationship of Michael and David. He did not trust the faithfulness of the gay men, and it was disagreeable to him that Michael expected it and is going to obtain it because the difference in the opinion was the greatest problem to block the development of relationship of him and Michael. Even for Michael, Brian couldn't think that it was possible to him. He surely fails and will hurt Michael. If Michael expected it to the last, Brian always thought their future didn't have the solution.

"Unfortunately you can't have Michael."

It was an admonition to himself, but Brian said arrogantly as throwing out cold eyes to Brady.

"Brian, you don't need to say it to him."

Michael sighed and knitted his eyebrows as watching Brian.

"Why not, Mikey? He has the right to know. Brady, Michael was already sold."

"I know that he has a boyfriend."

Brady shrugged his shoulders. Brian smirked wickedly, and drew Michael in his arms.

"Oh, well...I think that you don't know it well. One month ago, Michael married that boyfriend whom you knew."

"WHAT?!"

Emmett and Ted exclaimed at the same time. Michael smiled wearily and sighed.

"Okay, I don't like that Brian notifies all of my news in place of me. But what he said is true. Also I thought that I'm going to report it to you two. David and I married in Boston one month ago. Oh, wait, Em! You must not get angry at having not invited you to a wedding ceremony. We'll invite all of you to a wedding reception later."

Michael hated doing the report that half might become a lie. However, he didn't have a way except doing it.

"Oh my God!! Michael, sweetie, I want the details!"

Emmett screamed for wild joy. Ted blessed Michael by a modest smile calmly. Michael was beginning to get tired as must repeat the same talk again. He wasn't sure it was ill result or not, but he wasn't able to have enthusiasm and confidence to own action and behavior recently. Michael poked Brian's chest by his forefinger and looked up at Brian's triumphant face.

"Because you said, you take responsibility, and have to explain it to them. You already know the details almost as same as me."

"Mikey, but..."

"Just do it, Brian."

Brian was dumbfounded, but decided to deal with frantic inquisitive Emmett and inwardly despairing Ted unwillingly. Leaving rapid succession questions of Emmett and Ted to Brian, Michael moved to the corner of the room and exchanged Brady and the greetings of the reencounter.

"I heard that you became a neighbor of Emmett."

Michael said. Brady wiped his face laughingly briefly.

"My economic conditions were tight. In addition, it was only that apartment's owner to have consented to remove one piece of wall of the room."

"Jesus, did you break a wall?"

Michael giggled. Brady nodded slowly as hearing Michael's happy giggle.

"Well, I didn't need two bedrooms, and I needed living room to be able to put a wide table. Hey, you surprised me. Did you really marry?"

"Um, it looks like it. How about you and your boyfriend, afterwards?"

When Michael asked, Brady scratched his forehead.

"We broke up before it was spring. An incompatible line seems to exist even if we use opened relationship. He has disappeared with my car and savings. It is the reason why I moved in the current apartment."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

Michael sympathized and stroked Brady's biceps. While watching Michael's pale small hand comfort him, Brady smiled a little.

"Actually, it was because of you."

"...What?"

Michael raised his eyes and stared at Brady's impressive eyes. Brady grasped Michael's hand loosely that rested with his elbow by the other hand.

"I couldn't forget you for a while after having met you. And he noticed that I couldn't forget you. It was the terrible humiliation for him."

"Oh, no...I don't believe it."

Michael uttered a nervous laughter and pulled his hand from Brady's grasp. Brady freed Michael's hand without chasing it too far. However, his eyes caught Michael and didn't let go. Brady tilted his head and looked into Michael's somehow frightened eyes.

"It is true. However, you may feel relieved. I intend to demand nothing from you."

Brady reached out his arm and caressed Michael's cheeks tenderly at his finger-tips.

"Though I still want you, maybe I think that time was daydream, and can give you up."

"To us, that was a thing such as the accident that happened unexpectedly."

Michael was making an effort to talking simply. Brady didn't agree to a remark of Michael, but didn't do negation, too. The event of that indigestion could be said to be an accidental thing after all. Even if an encounter with Michael was how much shocking for him, it was already past.

"Probably I'll not cause trouble in your happiness. However, he seems to be more difficult than me."

Brady said. Michael understood whose thing he talked about instantly.

"Can you see it?"

Michael muttered in a small voice. Brady focused his eyes on Brian who is talking with Emmett and Ted burdensomely, and nodded.

"He will not let you go. He is so possessive about you."

"We were best friends since 14."

Michael lowered his eyes and smiled feebly. Brady patted Michael's back by his hand gently.

"But he never fucked you. He must have thought of you carefully very much."

"Yes. It was our boundary line. If we didn't step over it, we were guaranteed happiness without being threatened to anything else."

"You know, if you two really love each other, it's tedious talk of the cowards."

Brady said flatly. Michael nodded quietly and asked him.

"You broke up with your lover and are not regret?"

"I don't know...It is a intricate question. Of course, I'll miss him occasionally. However, on the other hand, I felt often relieved. Probably our separation would be a correct answer. After all, I didn't run after him, and maybe he didn't love me much as could retaliate against me."

"Don't you want there to be somebody with you?"

"Mmm...Sometimes."

Brady shrugged one shoulder and smiled at Michael. Michael smiled back to Brady and confessed it.

"I have a beloved man. I'm nestling in the comfortable place and loving it very much."

"Don't you want searing love?"

Brady asked. Michael closed his eyes and slightly nodded.

"I had it for a long time. I can say as for it pain was much bigger. When there is peaceful happiness that I have not experienced it near me so far I couldn't choose to be fastened in a suffering."

When he said so and opened his eyes, Michael collided with Brian's hazel eyes who is gazing at him from other side of the room. Michael realized that Brian heard what he said and understood his will. He thought that it would become clear sometime. It may have been a perfect timing today.

"I don't want to waste my life anymore. I can't do it anymore...It is my honest feeling."

Michael declared it without avoiding his eyes from Brian's eyes who is capturing him intensely.

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-- T B C --


	8. Chapter 8

Cruel reality

**Author: **FOXOReily

**Summary: **Seven months pass after Michael left for Portland. Michael returns to Pittsburgh to spend his holiday. Brian is stuck at relationship with Justin as ever. Michael wants to talk to Brian something, but cannot easily make an opportunity. Time passes pitilessly... Sorry, there is no-beta.  
**Rated:** R

**Categories:** Angst, Drama

**Characters:** Brian, Michael, David

**Warnings: **None

**Completed:** Yes

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Chapter 8

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Michael was being exhausted. Meeting and talking with close friends was really glad, but he had neither the physical strength nor the willpower to enjoy them anymore. Two hours later since Brady returned to his workplace, and became only the old friends, Michael realized that his limit is approaching gradually.

"Hey, guys, I have to go."

"Noooo! Already?"

Accusingly Emmett spilled his dissatisfaction.

"You yet hardly talk about your sweet newlyweds life. So, tell us Michael! What kind of honeymoon do you plan?"

"Em, it hardly changes with past life. Probably if we can take a vacation together, we may go for a trip somewhere, but it will very likely become a family outing."

"Wow, Laurie and Hank seem to stick around to your life."

Ted always wondered at their strange solidarity. How Michael could get along well with ex-wife and the son of his husband was big mystery for Ted. It could look like the weird mysterious community.

"Aren't you tired from their presence?"

Ted asked suspiciously. Michael thought about a question of Ted a little.

"David moved to Portland because of Hank. I didn't think they're nuisance because I knew that element was including from a beginning."

"You took the wrong choice."

Brian said coldly. Michael rolled his eyes for Brian's voice.

"Brian...If my memory is right, you recommended that option to me."

"I do not. You were misunderstanding."

Brian muttered in his mouth. Emmett decided to ignore Brian becoming the usual sullen mood.

"Sweetie, why don't you spend time with us a little more here? Ted is planning to make dinner tonight in my apartment. Of course Brady will come, too. You must come by all means!"

Apologetically, Michael smiled at Emmett.

"I'm sorry. But I promised to meet Uncle Vic."

"Oh, really?"

Emmett hunched his shoulders dejectedly. Taking their time was one of giving him a sense of guilt. He didn't sympathize with Brian who made up his vacantness by a worst method, but he was always feeling hard when watched lonely Vic by absence of Michael.

"I know that we can't monopolize your stay time."

Ted nodded to Michael and watched his new Rolex. Perhaps they'll meet after dinner if they can't detain Michael now.

"Probably can we meet in Woody's at 9:00?"

Ted asked. Emmett clapped his hands and was excited like as having recalled something.

"Yes! You must watch those new pool tables! You absolutely should try them. We can reserve a table for game."

"Maybe I'll catch up with you. Woody's, at 9:00."

"Right."

"Hey, ladies. Do you intend to never invite me?"

Brian asked from the back of Michael curtly. Emmett raised his eyebrows eloquently and said to Brian.

"You are always there. I thought that we didn't have to confirm it to you in particular. Eventually, you'll appear with Michael."

"Yeah, I knew it. Mikey, this is the good friends whom you say to."

Brian dropped a voice and whispered it to Michael's ear sarcastically. Michael chuckled and retorted to Brian.

"They only do small revenge. You deserve it. You should admit more their value."

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While Michael stayed a while longer with his friends for hugs and kisses, Brian was observing Michael. He was convinced that Michael had change something. And it wasn't accompanied with a happy feeling. Michael seemed slightly tired. He didn't have the lively aliveness like before. Brian can remember clearly how Michael walked. How did he laugh. And how was he angry with Brian. Both reactions had delicate difference from old Michael and new Michael. Probably he thought the change is because of the ditch of them whom he had made, but actually, the changes were not only against him. Brian wondered why he didn't notice it so far.

"Brian, you don't need to go with me."

Michael said again after having appeared outside of the room.

"I merely meet Uncle Vic and chat."

"Why? Do you think that I disturb you two? I want to see Vic, too."

"You saw him yesterday."

Michael smiled as watching Brian's sulky face. Brian raised his chin and pointed it out to Michael.

"You saw him, too yesterday. Plus, I couldn't much talk to him yesterday."

"Whose fault? You stomped out when I told that I had married with David. That's why you couldn't talk to him."

"Yeah, I know. Shit...I tell you truth, I was so shocked by your having said to us."

"Do you say that Brian Kinney was shocked because his best friend had married?"

"Ah-hah, satisfied?"

"Hmm..."

Michael thought while climbing down the stairs slowly. However, it was not able to think too shocking case. It may be a great event if Brian married Justin. But, me? Isn't it enough possible things? Michael smiled wryly inwardly.

"When you let me go to David, I thought that you may have predicted it to some extent."

While they walked to a jeep, Brian was placing his hand to small of the back of Michael. Brian felt that way more reliable for some reason than not touching Michael. Michael seemed to disappear in no time if he took his eyes off a little. Not sure why he felt it like that. However, his instinct completely controlled his action unconsciously.

"Actually, I didn't expect it at all. To be frank, that time, I wasn't in condition to have a reasonable action or the behavior. I was preoccupied about Justin's tragic, and wasn't able to afford to think about almost something properly."

"Brian, it's natural. You witnessed a horrible incident. Therefore that time, I stayed to here to help you."

Michael bit his bottom lip and nodded. Brian sighed in dissatisfaction.

"Temporarily."

"You must not blame me. Actually, you knew nothing of my feeling. You don't know my conflict...Should I go to Portland or should I break up with David and stay here? I kept on being disturbed badly. When you called me from a hospital, after some trouble, I made up my mind to go to David and was going to get into an airplane."

"But you came back here for me."

Brian said. Michael nodded. Brian considered while looking at Michael's features. Fortunately, Michael had no clue about his scarf incident. Brian would die in embarrassment if Michael noticed the real intention of his stupid action of that time. Brian thought that sometimes he is saving by Michael's unbelievable insensitiveness.

"Mikey, I never thought that you might not come."

"Yeah..."

Michael said to Brian as concentrating his attention on his step.

"I worried about Justin. And, you, Brian, you needed me obviously. However, your needs were different from what David expected from me. When Justin got out from the worst condition and you said to me to go to David, I already lost necessity to stay here."

"I was fooling myself as always. Eventually, I thought that you returned soon. I didn't think that you could withstand away from me all the time. Like I couldn't bear your absence."

Brian muttered as trapping Michael between a jeep and his body. It was an awkward posture, but Michael looked straight up at Brian's face. The next moment, they pressed their forehead against inevitably.

"Brian, you are okay. You can do well even if I can't be there with you."

"No, if there is not you, I'm nothing. Why are you trying to keep me away?"

Invading a domain, Brian whispered to Michael as nuzzling Michael's smooth cheeks and silky curls. Brian craved feeling Michael. If Michael disappeared from his side again, Brian didn't know what to do.

"Mikey, don't go... ever don't do this to me. It's so unfair."

"Brian, don't say that."

"Tell me, Mikey. What do you want? I can give you what you want."

"Bri..."

Michael grabbed Brian's biceps with his both hands and was trying to prevent sinking to the ground. He felt that his consciousness seemed to fade away. However, unfortunately it was influence by his unstable physical condition, not influence by closeness with Brian.

"Mikey?"

Brian was astounded that noticed something had happened to Michael. In his capture, Michael was almost faint as sliding down against a jeep's body.

"Shit...Mikey?!"

Brian held Michael's body hurriedly and prevented Michael from falling down onto the ground somehow. Moment later, Michael opened his eyes as clinging to Brian's arms.

"Oh...fuck."

"Are you alright? You passed out a while ago."

"I can grasp my state even if not you tell me."

Grumbling impatiently, he was trying to steal out of Brian's protection. But Brian felt that a chill ran through his back because Michael limply almost collapsed again.

"Mikey, don't move! You may hurt yourself. What's wrong with you?"

Brian questioned to Michael frantically while carrying him into a jeep. Michael felt that his head began to ache excruciatingly. It could say that it was the worst situation. Falling down in front of Brian's eyes was last thing that he wishes. Brian would think that something is wrong. If Brian feels doubt in something, he will investigate it until he elucidates it. Michael wanted to keep up this place somehow, but it could think impossible to pretend to be all right. He had to take his prescribed medicine early above all before his condition became unmanageable.

"Do you want to go to the hospital?"

"No, Brian. But will you give me a ride to the hotel? Probably I think that I have to take some rest."

"Of course. But first, tell me, what the fuck is this?"

He wasn't able to suppose a state of Michael. It was too unexpected, and it was a sudden happening. Does Michael pass out suddenly by the roadside? Besides, without any sign?

"It's a kind of anemia."

"Anemia?"

"Mmm…"

Michael groaned faintly on a seat.

"And migraine. But don't worry. I'm bringing medicines to my hotel's room."

"Do you consult a doctor?"

Brian asked apprehensively. He couldn't believe what Michael said. What the hell happened to his Mikey? Michael's health didn't have the problem at all after his asthma calmed down. In most of time, Michael should have been unrelated to the disease. Brian hauled his memory quickly and rebuilt data for Michael.

On the other hand, Michael didn't intend to answer Brian's doubt. Also, he wanted to move to the place that can feel relieved as soon as possible now. Michael looked up at Brian entreatingly.

"Brian, I want you to move right now. Please?"

"Where do you stay in?"

"...The Westin."

"All right, hold on."

Brian nodded powerlessly as staring at Michael's translucent-pale face.

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.

Because Michael refused Brian's offer determinedly, (Brian wanted to hold and carry Michael, but of course Michael didn't approve it) Brian caught Michael's waist and an arm firmly and had to arrive without letting Michael fall down somehow to the room of the hotel. The state of Michael made Brian daunt. Michael's complexion was increasing paleness, but took out tablets from bottle of the medicines as a matter of routine and drank it up with the water of the bottle that was already prepared on the nightstand. Helplessly Brian looked at Michael who lay wearily onto a bed in concern.

"Mikey, how you doing now?"

"I'm managing it somehow."

Michael's voice was barely above a whisper. Brian sat on the edge of the bed quietly and stroked Michael's shin tentatively.

"You scared the shit out of me."

"I know...I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize...Michael. But you should stop doing this to me. Shit, I almost pissed my pants."

Brian shook his head and exhaled his breath slowly.

"I maybe should cart you to an ER."

"You don't need to do that. I'm fine now."

"Mikey, shouldn't you have talk to me something?"

"I don't think so."

Michael muttered and looked up at Brian's face.

"Brian...Can I take a rest a little?"

"Sure, but, don't you need to call Vic?"

Brian asked as had remembered. Michael stirred on the bed.

"We don't have to do."

"Didn't you say that you promised to meet Vic?"

Brian already found out the answer while asking Michael.

"Was it an excuse to get out of there?"

"I didn't want to fall down unconscious in front of them."

Michael rubbed his forehead with his fingers. The headache didn't seem to still leave.

"Brian, lie down with me."

Michael caught Brian's right wrist and tugged it lightly. Hesitatingly, but obediently, Brian obeyed Michael's demand. Sharing one pillow, Michael caressed Brian's cheeks as staring at the hazel eyes who came close.

"Michael, what's going on?"

Brian asked as wrapping Michael's hand that caressed his cheeks at his larger one. Michael closed his eyelids and shook his head slowly.

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

Brian asked again. Michael nodded and snuggled up to Brian's body.

"It's mere anemia. Don't you think that it seems to be a heroine of the soap opera? When if I become inconvenient, I faint dramatically."

Michael chuckled to Brian, but he didn't buy what Michael is saying. Michael couldn't seem to avoid Brian's suspicious hazel eyes which were piercing him. Michael hit a tiny sigh.

"You don't believe me, don't you?"

"If you don't say truth, you can't make me believe."

Brian said, looking Michael over carefully.

"Alright, you don't have to believe me. Just hold me, Brian. I want to sleep..."

There didn't need much time until Michael fell in a sleep. Something was wrong obviously. Brian can say. Brian watched and cursed the bottle of medicines that removed the label while tracing the outline of Michael's face at his finger-tips. If he is really mere anemia, it wouldn't make Michael to be so careful. Brian knew where he should have asked, if he wanted to know all truth.

However, should he take action to break off his doubt? Brian strengthened his will while untying his own body from Michael's warm smaller body unwillingly. Brian got off from a bed and moved towards the living room gingerly not to pull back Michael from a sleep. Taking out a cell-phone from pocket of Michael's jacket which abandoned onto the back of the sofa, Brian was able to find out the number instantly.

(Are you going to really talk with him?)

While calling the person, Brian doubted his action. It didn't have to be so serious. It must be an unnecessary worry. Surely Michael would show a slight overwork recently. He seemed to be devoted to new work.

(What am I afraid of?)

"Hello. This is the office of Dr. Cameron."

When the female voice told to him, Brian realized that he must let this scene go past.

"I'm Brian Kinney. I want to talk to Dr. Cameron."

"Oh, I am sorry, but Dr. Cameron is making diagnosis and treatment. If it is the reservation of the examination, I can hear it."

"No, I'm a friend of Michael Novotny. I want you to tell David as soon as possible. Say my name to him. He'll decide how he deals with it."

She grudgingly told it to Brian after inhaled her breath and hesitated a little.

"Hold on please, I will try."

In the most short time when Brian was able to expect it, David's voice appeared in his ear.

"What happened to Michael?"

The first utterance of David plunged Brian into uneasiness. Why does David have to be upset so much?

"Hey, Doc."

"Brian. Is Michael all right?"

"Whoa, calm down, David! Why do you think something happened to Michael?"

David let his brain cells work quickly to Brian's voice. He needed calm down really. Brian Kinney may be trying to get something out of him. Takes stopgap measures as always.

"Though I was examining, you said to my secretary to tell me as soon as possible. Why I can't upset?"

"You're mostly right."

Brian nodded.

"Michael is asleep now."

"Talk from a beginning."

David's quiet voice said to Brian. The voice had compulsory sound. Obeying David's words irritated Brian, but he didn't have the choices to draw information.

"While he talked with me, he passed out suddenly."

"Shit...!"

David's reaction totally didn't seem to be himself. It became the materials which worry Brian more and more. However, of course David would know that Michael's health wasn't perfect recently. Anyway, he is Michael's husband. It is natural that David is upset as hearing Michael's happening. Brian made an effort to think about a situation theoretically as much as possible.

"Doc, what happens to him?"

"Well, did Michael something talk to you?"

Without answering Brian's question, David asked to him. Brian replied succinctly.

"He restored consciousness immediately, but wasn't in condition to be able to walk his own legs. He said to me that he is suffering from anemia. I was asked to Michael and brought him to hotel's room. He takes the prescribed medicine which he brought and is sleeping now."

Brian drew breath and asked David.

"What the fuck is going on to Michael? If I should do something, say it right now!"

"Is Michael sleeping?"

David asked. Brian gritted his teeth and snarled low.

"Christ...Doc! Didn't I say so before? I think his medicines are working well."

"While he talked to you, was he talking reasonably? Wasn't he incoherent?"

"His consciousness was steady. What do you feel uneasy about?"

Brian asked as sensing some fears. However, David's answer wasn't the thing which he expected for.

"Vic will know how he should do it if there is a change in Michael's condition. You must not wake up Michael forcibly until Michael wakes up by himself. If Michael wakes up, please tell him that I go to there to meet him."

"Are you coming?"

Brian asked in wonder. Does David come to take Michael away? My Mikey?

"Brian...Well, in fact, Michael is not well-conditioned lately. He may be hurt if he passes out again when he is alone. I don't want to dare the danger."

"You don't have to come to here expressly. I can take care of him."

Brian said in a hurry. However, the reaction of David was so firm.

"I take him home. I think that he returns to the house, and had better take some rest. I know, I shouldn't have let him go alone."

David said in a regretting tone.

"Brian, you still have time until I arrive at Pittsburgh. Cherish your time with Michael."

"What do you mean?"

Brian has begun to feel irritation for David.

"Even if you're trying to detain Michael, he'll return with me after all."

Just like talking of the weather, David spoke the decisive statement lightly. Brian felt his blood flow up to his head.

"Fuck you, Doc. You had better not become so too overconfident."

"Wait, Brian. Don't get me wrong."

"Yeah, I do not."

Brian spat it out in a flat voice and hung up.

After come back to the bedroom and take off his expensive suit, carefully, Brian climbed up onto the bed again which Michael was waiting for.

Michael was sleeping peacefully uncannily. Even if the medicines which he took were anything, those were obviously very strong things.

"What's going on, Michael? You can tell me anything."

Brian whispered tenderly and kissed Michael's nape.

"Tell me, Mikey..."

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About 3 hours later, Brian felt that Michael had begun to stir in his arms. Brian stared at Michael's long, thick eyelashes fluttered opened slowly.

"Hey, Sleeping Beauty."

When Brian swept the tip of Michael's nose with his forefinger, Michael smiled sheepishly.

"Hey, Brian."

"Did your feeling become better?"

"Uhm...not worse."

"Good."

Brian nodded subtly. Even if Michael said the truth, or even if Michael told him a lie, he decided to wait for Michael beginning to talk. While he is exposed to Brian's imperturbable eyes, Michael checked the feel of his limbs uncomfortably. He realized that sense of the right half of his body is becoming dull. Whenever his body showed trouble by the disease, Michael was taken by awful fear. The impediment is left in his body eternally this time, and may never regain his former strength.

"What time is it now?"

"7:30."

Glancing at a table clock on the nightstand, Brian groaned.

"Almost."

"What do you think that Ted prepared for dinner?"

Michael muttered blankly. Brian replied it as smirking.

"It's absolutely chicken."

"Umm...probably. But he's good at cooking."

"Aww, Mikey. Anyone seems to be chef if I compare them with you. Your cooking skill is terrible."

"Uh-huh, except you. I think that you can't make a fool of me."

"Do you challenge me? In the case of me, cooking is possible, just doesn't do it."

"Perhaps you'll be right."

Michael sighed feebly after having chuckled.

"Brian, honestly, I think that I'm not in condition to playing game in Woody's."

Brian was able to expect Michael's condition. Even after rest of several hours, it seemed that Michael was dead tired.

"I know...Can you get up at least?"

Brian asked as putting his fingers through Michael's soft raven-black hair. Michael blinked his eyes slowly and shook his head miserably.

"I'm not yet ready to move."

"You were not a hangover yesterday either, weren't you? This was the reason why you couldn't come to the diner for."

Brian asked Michael gently. Michael nodded resignedly.

"You must not expose that I'm troubled with anemia to Ted and Emmett. It seems to be autonomic imbalance of the adolescent girl. I'm really ashamed and want to run around as screaming."

(If you can.)

Brian muttered in his mind. Michael said to Brian while crawling into a blanket again languidly.

"Brian, talk to me."

"About what?"

"Anything. We were ignoring each other's existence for a long time. I want to know your event that I overlooked."

"Nothing had pleasurable things that you should know. To you or myself...the pleasurable things had nothing."

Brian admitted it as tickling Michael's earlobe.

"Mikey, you already know what happened in my life. When I noticed, an exasperating dependent froze to me and the most lost was time of myself. When I was devoted to work, I was allowed to think about nothing. And I cursed about why you're not with me when I noticed suddenly. And desperately I thought about whether you still loved me."

"I always love you, Brian. You know that?"

Drowsily, Michael whispered it to Brian. Brian exhaled and shook his head slightly. Michael doesn't understand the thing which his words mean.

"I don't know anymore. In fact, you had married David. Do you really love David more than me?"

"Brian..."

Michael answered in an inarticulate small voice as huddling to Brian's chest.

"I can't compare him and you. You two are very different."

"Michael, I love you."

Brian spilled it out carelessly. Michael replied as kissing corner of Brian's lips.

"Hmm...Me too. I love you so much."

"Then, why don't you be with me?"

"You know why."

Michael rubbed his forehead against Brian's jaw.

"We went around each other too awkwardly. Probably there will be some meaning, and it may have been our destiny."

"Fuck the fate!"

Brian said. Michael laughed.

"Brian, you can certainly find someone. If time passes a little more, I think that maybe Justin become your good partner."

Brian frowned to Michael's opinion.

"I don't think so. You know, he is awfully mad at me. That little shit... He is not a tolerant person."

"Jesus, Brian. He is still a kid."

Michael poked Brian's shoulder with his knuckle. Brian said to Michael as stroking Michael's back with his palm.

"But, you were always tolerant for me even when you were kid."

"Yeah, I know it and regret it somehow now. I must have indulged you. Because it's my nature, I can't help it. But you must not think that everyone can do that as same as me."

"I remember that."

Brian chuckled and nodded to Michael.

"By the way, why is Justin mad at you?"

Michael asked Brian anxiously. Michael's complexion was pale as ever and seemed to barely keep consciousness. Brian drew Michael's body close to him softly and buried tip of his nose in the raven-black hair of Michael.

"That saucy brat ascertained that I am in love with you."

The abrupt confession of Brian squeezed Michael's heart by an exorbitant force unexpectedly. Michael felt that his chest is heaving irregularly.

"...What?"

"You heard me. Justin noticed the insignificance of the dance that he ran about in utter confusion and danced with me, and felt indignant after having arrived at his conclusion somehow."

"Did you affirm it to Justin?"

"Well, why not? It's deadly truth. I am in love with you."

"No, Brian...Stop saying that! It's not like you..."

"Whatever, you think."

Brian shrugged nonchalantly.

"Anyway, I'm in love. Therefore I can wait for you. Because you belong to me, you surely come back for me someday."

Brian said at calm, but resolute voice. Michael was unable to bear it. The tears continued threatening him and almost overflowed the brim of his eyes.

"Brian, I'm so sorry...I can't be with you."

"You don't have to apologize to me."

Brian kissed lovingly Michael's forehead.

"I couldn't say before. And I refused that I showed you deep inside of my heart. Though you were just one person whom I could trust, I hurt you for my self-defense many times."

"Do you really wait for me unconditionally?"

Michael tilted his face and sought for Brian's eyes. Michael found Brian's sincere eyes that are seeking his eyes likewise.

"God...Brian, you're trying to really do it."

"Michael, I can wait for you. You're worthy to wait. But..."

Because Brian fumbled for the right word, Michael asked it.

"But, what?"

"Can I memorize you before you go back to David?"

"What do you mean?"

"I want to see your whole body, your skin, all parts of your body...I want you to be naked."

Brian muttered as hesitating. He knew that Michael was virtuous. He'll never betray David. That was his Mikey.

"I don't say cheat on David to you. I don't do what you don't want to do. I see you and touch you and want to feel you on my flesh."

"...Brian?"

"Am I saying inexplicable thing?"

Brian lowered his eyes and laughed nervously. Michael faltered.

"Uhm...What kind of things, exactly?"

"You lie there and relax. And trust me. I know that part of your soul is always mine. Am I wrong?"

"No, you're always having my soul."

"Then, could you trust me...? You will see."

Brian asked Michael in a tranquil tone. Finally, Michael understood what Brian said. Michael was somehow feeling that a sense revived to his body which was about to be numbed. Shedding tears helplessly, Michael nodded to Brian.

"Undress me."

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--T B C--


	9. Chapter 9

Cruel reality

**Author: **FOXOReily

**Summary: **Seven months pass after Michael left for Portland. Michael returns to Pittsburgh to spend his holiday. Brian is stuck at relationship with Justin as ever. Michael wants to talk to Brian something, but cannot easily make an opportunity. Time passes pitilessly... Sorry, there is no-beta.  
**Rated:** R

**Categories:** Angst, Drama

**Characters:** Brian, Michael, David

**Warnings: **None

**Completed:** Yes

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Chapter 9

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.

It could say that was a solemn ritual. Because of not making Michael cautious or uncomfortable, at first Brian took off his shirt and underwear, and then undressed Michael's clothes one by one after having become naked oneself. Michael was cooperative and didn't show resistance at all. Rather, Michael who took in hesitation of Brian encouraged him.

"Don't stop, Brian."

"But...if you're feeling sick, I should've to stop this."

Brian didn't want to molest Michael that was hard to even get up. However, Michael didn't intend to let Brian stop this.

"We'll lose our opportunity if you stop this now."

At prompting of Michael, Brian continued working on himself. Brian caressed Michael's bare skin affectionately that gradually appeared. The pure appearance of Michael made Brian astonish that didn't change at all even passed 17 years from after their fateful encounter. The unique beauty that fascinated him instantly didn't change anything even after many years. When he was kid, nasty bullies were always able to easily locate Michael no matter how much Michael will hide. For better or worse, the peculiar contrast of color that Michael had attracted people anytime. Shining raven-black hair, deep brown eyes, and flawless alabaster skin that are opposite to those dark colors. Brian thought that skin was more beautiful than his memory. Even if Michael is over thirty, it was smooth and uncontaminated and very innocent.

"Michael...You are so beautiful."

"I'm memorizing you are the first one who praised my figure."

Michael frowned suspiciously.

"But did you really think so?"

"Do you never believe me? I don't say the lie to you."

Brian muttered with sighs laughingly while rubbing Michael's shoulder joint. Slowly he slid his palms to Michael's whole body. Brian caressed Michael's ankles and the kneecaps that have never paid attention so far. And then softness of the inner thighs which craved kissing. Of each curve, texture of skin, Brian was trying to engrave on his memory the touch of Michael's flexible muscles that push back his palms.

"I want you to know, Brian."

Michael caught Brian's right hand that was brushing his collarbone, and placed it on his heart.

"Don't say anything, Mikey."

Brian shook his head and interrupted it. Even if a thing uttered from Michael's mouth was anything, Brian couldn't think that he stand it. Probably it will be not what he wants to know.

"Please, don't say..."

"You don't want to know?"

"No...but, I mean you don't have to say it to me if you want to hide it from me."

Kissing Michael's forehead lovingly, Brian placed his body on the top of Michael's body carefully, and quietly pressed his chest against Michael's chest. Brian could feel Michael's heartbeat that is pulsing steady rhythm. Belly to belly. The silky flanks that he stole the smooth touch from under the hem of T-shirt many times. And finally, cock to cock. Brian felt that pre-cum which oozed out from tip of his cock polluted Michael's soft but still beautiful cock.

"Oh, god...Mikey..."

From Michael's flanks, along the underside of his arms, Brian slid his hands up slowly. And then grabbed Michael's tiny wrists and pinned him onto a mattress.

"Brian."

"Can you feel me?"

Brian held his breath and asked Michael. Under Brian's enthusiastic gaze, Michael took Brian's blazing heat.

"Yes, I can feel you."

"Don't forget me, Michael. I never forget you until you come back to me. Your eyes, your lips, your skin, your voice, your smell..."

"...Brian."

Michael felt Brian's heart beating hard nervously. Michael freed his heavy arms from possessive restraint someway and wrapped his arms around Brian's neck. His fingers twined Brian's fine honey brown hair that he couldn't stop loving it.

"Give to me."

Michael whispered it to Brian's ear softly.

"But, Mikey...are you sure?"

Brian didn't want Michael to feel a sense of guilt for David. However, Michael's eyes that he captured were clear. Michael barely managed to lift his legs, and encircle Brian's hips and latched his foot onto Brian's tight buttocks. And then he held Brian's neck tightly again.

"Give to me, Brian. Come for me."

The wish of Michael was absolute command for Brian. Surprisingly, after having plundered Michael's lips with desperate intensity, Brian ejaculated on Michael's stomach and chest with short cry without some friction or even humping.

That happening was hard to imagine for Brian. Gasping for air, Brian trembled his body on top of Michael's.

"Oh shit, oh my god..."

"Shhh...Brian, it's okay."

Michael repeated it as stroking Brian's back until trembling calmed down. Although naked and holding each other with the man who loved his almost entire life, the fact that didn't even have erection physically was utterly dejecting Michael. Though, he was resonant with Brian emotionally. When Brian reached the orgasm, Michael was able to feel his own in his body.

"I couldn't wait for you."

Between embarrassment and ecstasy, Brian panted. Michael said as kissing Brian's cheeks.

"I cum with you in my heart, too."

"Mikey?"

"Yes?"

"Are you...? Umm, well..."

They stared silently for a while. Michael broke off silence full of the pain as caressing Brian's cheeks with the back of his fingers.

"Brian, it is not because of you. You know, I don't have much energy lately... I mean, because my blood is not enough."

"Oh...I see."

Brian couldn't assent to Michael's excuse but he mumbled and nodded. Michael cupped Brian's face by his hands gently.

"Take care of yourself. You shouldn't build the walls around yourself. You must not forget that you have people who care about you as well as me."

"I don't need except you."

"You know that I cannot be with you."

"Yeah, I know. And you don't need me. You have Doc and happy weird family, besides."

"Brian, I need you always. But I cannot expect it from you when it is not fair for you."

Michael kissed the top of Brian's head and muttered.

"I love you, Brian. You must never forget that."

"You too. Michael, you too."

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When had woke up, Brian noticed that Michael wasn't in his embrace, and was confused and looked around the circumference of bed. At that time, the bathroom's door opened, and when watched the soaking Michael who wrapped narrow waist with only small towel, and smiled at him, Brian thought that it was a dream.

"...Michael? Are you alright to move around?"

"Uhm...yeah, but I need some food and nice pot."

"Huh?"

"I'm hungry."

"And you want pot?"

"Uh-huh, by the way, I called Emmett. We meet at Babylon in 30 minutes."

"Well... I'm not sure that it is right thing. Several hours ago, you could hardly move. But now, you're suddenly saying that you want to go to club, and want to enjoy a drug."

"I'm fine now, am I?"

Michael spread his arms and showed Brian himself. Glowing pink for plentiful hot shower, surely Michael looked very fantastic. However, you must not be deceived about the delicious sight. Brian shook his head doubtfully.

"I don't think so. You are not in physical condition to be able to play around at the midnight."

"I'm fine, Brian."

Michael smiled resignedly. He didn't have the guarantee that become well from now on, and even if it is a little, he wanted to move when he could. And Michael needed something which reduce his headache for. Michael thought that marijuana was effective than the medicines, that probably make him sleep until morning.

"Don't you wanna dance with me?"

Michael asked to Brian impishly.

"Mikey..."

"Aww, I know it. You must go back to the loft to change your clothes. The suits of Armani are attractive, but, isn't suitable for the Babylon."

"Hey, Mikey, if you want pot, you don't need to go expressly to the Babylon. I have good stuff in loft always readily. We can party just two of us."

Brian said as brushing off drop of waters which dripped from Michael's damp hair at his fingers. Michael squinted his eyes and looked at Brian's face, and shook his head slowly after having considered it.

"Hmm...that suggestion is really tempting me, but I already talked to Emmett. I make a promise nonfulfillment many times and don't want to lose their trust."

"Oh, come on! They love you. They'll never dislike you."

"Ahh, Brian. Love has fickle nature. We must be always careful not to lose it."

"Ouch, Mikey."

Brian pressed his heart at his palm and fell down again onto a bed.

"You stung my heart cruelly."

"Don't worry, you can recover soon. OK, get up, Brian. We have to go."

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Michael didn't think that he set foot in Brian's loft by this visit. He wasn't to disturb them as far as Justin lived in here. Actually, Michael hesitated about invading the place of their life even if he knew that Justin wasn't there for the Cold War state with Brian. Michael looked at Brian from behind that stepped out from an elevator by fluid movement and opened the metal door. He still remembers the time when Brian dragged him for the first time in this place. Inside of the deserted huge space, how they were excited and talked about the possibility of the old building!

"Michael. Don't you come in?"

At Brian's voice, Michael was pulled back from his thought.

"I was just indulging in nostalgia."

Michael smiled bittersweetly, and entered the loft. Apparently the interior decoration of the loft didn't have difference with his memory. Although there two young men lived, that place didn't have a smell of living at all. Brian avoids that a room is stained in a disorderly manner above all. Michael thought Justin seemed to be done discipline well to Brian.

"Um, well...you know, I don't keep decent food here."

Brian said to Michael as scratching at his jaw.

"Don't bother. I can be satisfied with them."

Michael took the banana from the basket put onto the counter and raised it.

"Go to change your clothes. For a short time, maybe I can wait."

Michael mumbled as stuffing his mouth with a banana.

While Brian changed his clothes in clubbing outfit, Michael fumbled inside of the drawer of the kitchen counter. The weeds which were in the small wooden box should have been saved there unless Brian changed a stash. When the small box touched his fingertips, Michael leaked a sigh of the relief.

"Fuck...! What's wrong with you? Are you junkie or something?"

Michael cursed it in his mouth. Still, Michael couldn't strive to control himself he shook his head, and lit up joint. Michael inhaled blue smoke carefully. However, that action always attacked Michael's sensitive lungs and trachea and made him cough. Because he heard Michael's coughs at the bedroom Brian rolled his eyes.

"Mikey, you already began party without waiting for me?"

Brian remonstrated to Michael while climbing down the stairs of the bedroom.

"How does doc think if he knows that his little sweet wife smoke weeds at the headquarters of the bad friend?"

"You don't give a shit, even if how David will think of you."

Michael nudged Brian's chest softly.

"Yeah, You're so right."

Brian took a joint from between Michael's fingers and inhaled it deeply.

"Do you want to still go to Babylon?"

"They're expecting us."

"They don't count on your promise as long as I'm there with you."

"Mmm, probably. I think it is not a good tendency."

"However, they're used to it."

"Yeah, must be."

Michael nodded pensively. They continued passing joint in comfortable silence awhile. Brian lighted to second joint and muttered.

"Mikey, we have the history. Nobody can take it and cannot deny it. Even your good doctor."

"I know, and we have had helpless plenty bad habit."

"Definitely."

Brian laughed as handing joint to Michael. And he looked Michael inhaled it deeply and held in it. Frowning and puffing smoke, Michael smiled at Brian as blinking his eyes slowly.

"You're bad influence, you know that?"

"I agree it."

Brian stared at beloved face as smiling fondly. He couldn't yet believe that there is Michael to distance who can touch by his hand in his loft. It was totally dream comes true for Brian. Abruptly, Brian uttered an animal groan and grabbed Michael's round ass cheeks impudently and lifted him up onto the breakfast-counter. After squeaking, Michael tilted his head as giggling.

"Jesus, Brian! What are you going to do?"

"Kissing you."

Bending his head, Brian caught both sides of Michael's face and whispered against Michael's plump lips. As licking Michael's bottom lip, Brian caressed Michael's cheeks with pads of his thumbs.

"You know, I always loved kissing you."

Waiting Michael's lips slightly open, Brian deepened his kiss. Brian pursued Michael's velvety tongue gently. Immediately their kisses heated up with growing passion. Brian's hands crept on every place of Michael's body while demanding Michael's mouth. He sensed struggle of Michael by the corner of his head, but pretended to not conscious of it intentionally. And furthermore, he continued chasing him persistently.

"Bri...no..."

Biting and sucking tender skin of Michael's neck, Brian couldn't think he can stop this assault. Michael's scent was completely enchanting him. Brian's hands are tweaking and rubbing Michael's each nipple from the top of his shirt relentlessly, and he shoved his body between Michael's thighs and pushed them wider forcibly. Michael whimpered in his throat and resisted power of Brian who was trying to push down his body onto a counter.

"Brian, please...stop. I...I can't... don't ruin our memory."

Michael moaned feebly. His reason became dull with drugs, but couldn't yield it to unruly desire. When gazed at Michael's tearful eyes, Brian had to untie the restriction that he imposed on Michael. Brian tore himself from Michael who lay onto a counter as getting up his upper body slowly.

"Shit...! I'm sorry..."

Brian ran a hand through his hair in agitation and scratched at his nape.

"I couldn't suppress my arousal."

"I know, Brian."

Michael closed his eyelids and muttered breathlessly.

"It's my fault."

"No, Michael. You didn't do any bad things."

Enduring screaming that shallow action of his own, Brian begged to Michael.

"But please, don't blame me, Michael."

(Because I love you so bad I couldn't resist.)

Brian added so it inwardly.

Brian brings his arms beneath Michael's back, and drew up Michael's body tenderly.

"I promise I never do what you don't want."

Michael nodded silently and accepted the promise.

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The Babylon was crowded as hell as ever, but they were able to find the friends immediately in the fixed position of the bar.

"Wow, sweetie! You really made it!!"

Emmett wrapped his long arms around Michael's body and hugged him warmly.

"Mmm...However, you seem to smell of sinful banned things."

"Oh, is it too obvious?"

Michael chuckled as exchanging significant looks with Brian. Brian said while leaning on the bar counter nonchalantly.

"It was Mikey who brought it up first. He took out pot from my drawer by himself."

"Did I? I don't remember it."

Michael stuck out his long tongue and laughed.

"Anyway, we'll need toast."

Ted said as ordering beer from a bartender. Emmett described it about splendid dinner of Ted that Michael failed to eat, and Michael listened attentively to it eagerly. Brian scrutinized the state of Michael carefully while hearing their easy exchanges. A few hours ago, Michael who seemed to be very ill-condition stood in space of the crowded and intense loud music and could have a pleasant chat with friends; it was totally wonder for Brian. As Michael said, he may be really mere anemia. If Michael is a really terrible disease, probably he should have to take care of himself more. Brian has begun to think somehow so to persuade into himself.

"So, I didn't think that you brought him here."

Brian turned around for the voice that he heard from his rear.

"Michael can go anywhere at his will."

Brian answered morosely reluctantly.

"I know. However, he'll give it up if you prevent it."

"Um, sorry, it is a wrong guess."

Brian said to Brady. Brady shrugged his shoulders and smiled.

"Oh, good, I was relieved to hear it. You must not disturb his peace."

"I don't do that. But, I have to say; this is none of fucking your business."

Just this man was a former trick of Michael, only that, it became enough reason for Brian that hates him. Brian has begun to be irritated at conversation with Brady. It wasn't acceptable for Brian that this man pretends to know everything at their relationship.

"You know nothing about us."

"Maybe."

Brady admitted it readily and stared at Brian's glaring eyes. Inspecting Brian's real intention wasn't difficult thing for him.

"But I think it's impossible to you to let him go."

"You're running further again. Why I have to do it? Mikey belong to me. It is not a big problem, even if he is not with me now."

"What do you two talk about stealthily?

When Michael who held bottle of the beer in both hands came over between them, they couldn't help smiling. Michael turned his contagious happy smile toward them while handing them beer.

"This is a treat of porno king."

Brady raised it to Ted after having received beer from Michael.

"Thank you. Ted."

"You're welcome, buddy."

Ted nodded to Brady and came back in a heated discussion of the business expansion with Emmett immediately. Michael shook his head and said to Brian and Brady.

"Christ! When did they come to do business talk in Babylon during?"

"Just wait. They return to the men's ass and cock again soon."

Brian smirked and drank his beer at a single gulp. And then wrapped Michael's shoulder possessively in his arm.

"Dance with me, Mikey."

"Sure."

While dragging to the dance floor by Brian, Michael smiled at Brady and waved his hand innocently. Brady looked at their disappearing in a crowd. Brady had no idea how Michael had dealt with a desire for exclusive possession of Brian. However, eventually that disquieting pathetic drama will be over if Michael returns to Portland to his new family. Brady was learning various things from his new friends. The conclusion that he calculated from those knowledge was this.

It cannot have been a short term that Michael waited for Kinney. Because patient Michael became impatient and gave waiting up, it cannot have been short time Michael had waited for Brian Kinney. Brady can imagine what torture that the stud of Liberty Avenue imposed on Michael was. He was keeping Michael waiting voluntarily without saying 'wait for me'. However, Michael stopped waiting at last and went to the man who wanted him. Probably Brian Kinney cannot run after Michael. Sadly, Brian Kinney is Brian Kinney after all. The Brian Kinney's pride is fucking huge. If Michael had married, Brian Kinney will not still less run after Michael. But Brady has not guessed love of Brian for Michael deeply. If Brian is trying to regain Michael, how does it turn out? Can Michael really bear a violent attack of Brian? Or he gives up peaceful life and will choose to take an unrealistic dream? Thus it surely becomes quite a spectacle. At all events he intended to make sure of the whole story of the thing.

After drank up his beer and watched two men who are dancing for a while, Brady joined in an argument of Emmett and Ted.

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-- T B C --


	10. Chapter 10

Cruel reality

**Author: **FOXOReily

**Summary: **Seven months pass after Michael left for Portland. Michael returns to Pittsburgh to spend his holiday. Brian is stuck at relationship with Justin as ever. Michael wants to talk to Brian something, but cannot easily make an opportunity. Time passes pitilessly... Sorry, there is no-beta.  
**Rated:** R

**Categories:** Angst, Drama

**Characters:** Brian, Michael, David

**Warnings: **None

**Completed:** Yes

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Chapter 10

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They danced intimately in the same way as old days. Brian put his hands to Michael's hip and drew Michael close.

"I don't like the fucker."

"Are you talking about Brady?"

Michael asked as looking at Brian's sullen face in amusement.

"Who else is there? I don't know what kind of our information he gets from two assholes but I hate that he is acting so that he knows our connection fucking well."

Brian brought his mouth close to Michael's ear not to yield to loud music and yelled exasperatedly. Michael shivered slightly with Brian's hot breath that is grazing his ear and cheeks. That sensation accompanied always being generated when he is feeling closeness with Brian, and Michael couldn't help it.

"Actually, Brady may know us than you think."

While answering, Michael watched Brian who is taking out a popper from the pocket of his tight black jeans.

"I can't tolerate it. No-one can understand except us. Why do you like him?"

After snorting it greatly, Brian frowned and asked Michael. Brian offered Michael a popper, but Michael declined it politely.

"He is hot. Don't you think so?"

When Michael said, Brian shook his head like he was even more disgusting for answer of Michael.

"See? That's why I don't like that hunky pseudo-architect. Also he was going to get you. Or may he already have had you? Maybe you didn't tell all to me?"

"Brian, you're thinking too much. I stopped it halfway. I told the lie to neither you nor David."

Michael tried to persuade Brian as caressing Brian's nape gently. And he decided to accept a second offer from Brian unwillingly.

"Be careful."

The consideration of Brian didn't change as before. Michael snorted it carefully. Michael felt light dizziness in a sharp sensation that go through back of his head, that wasn't pain which he was used to lately.

"It's just like good old times, isn't it?"

Brian smiled fondly and said to Michael. Michael retorted teasingly as looking up at Brian's handsome face.

"You shouldn't say that. You always left me on the dance floor for some tricks. Are you going to do the same thing tonight?"

"Jesus, Mikey! Do you doubt my human nature that much? I'll never do that."

Brian said with a serious expression. Michael knew that he didn't expect it. Than say he doesn't expect it, taking prowling away from Brian wasn't Michael's intention. After all, that person is not Brian that he was fascinated.

"Aww, Brian. You don't have to do that for me."

"...You seem to doubt my faithfulness thoroughly."

"Brian, you shouldn't control your primitive desire, especially for me."

"You mean you don't want me to do it? Didn't you always expect it from your man?"

"First, you're not my man. I said it's unnecessary thing. I don't have a right to bind you. You're the Brian Kinney of the stud of the Liberty Avenue, fucks sake!"

Michael nudged Brian's shoulder lightly. He wanted to change nothing. He wanted nothing which wasn't fair for him and Brian.

"Ooookaaay, at least I don't leave you until this song is over if you say so."

Brian smiled wryly at suggestion of his own. Michael nodded for the suggestion.

"It seems to be more yourself."

They pressed their forehead against each other and swayed their body in rhythm of the music. Michael thought that he don't care even if his life is over now, in the comfortable haze which marijuana and mixed herb and amyl nitrite brought. Michael had no objection if he could die in Brian's arms while dancing on a dance floor of Babylon with Brian. It seemed to be one of the dreams that a long time ago he imagined. Well, but probably David will not like the idea.

Michael thought about his husband while remembering the time when they met. To be frank, Michael didn't think that their relationship continued for a long time. In fact, their difference was huge enough that he cannot criticize a difference of Brian and Justin. Needless to say, their age and the hobby and the lifestyle had the parts which resembled closely nothing. However, the love is a wonder. They passed through discrepancy and a collision and a compromise, and were able to understand each other. Michael really loved David surprisingly clearly by himself. Their love matured and never made Michael insecure anymore. And it was desirable for present Michael.

"Mikey, stop thinking about David."

Brian said as entangling soft silky locks of back of Michael's ears to his fingers.

"Because you're dancing with me."

"Why did you think that I'm thinking about David?"

"I know you very well."

Brian said easily, like that was lucid explanation. Michael nodded in sweet misery.

"Actually, I was seized with some sense of guilt."

"Oh? Why?"

Brian asked knowingly. Michael blushed as looking away from Brian's complacent face.

"Fuck, Brian... Didn't you say that you know me very well?"

Michael muttered as resting his both arms onto Brian's shoulders.

"Did you already forget about it? We had sex practically."

"Awww, Mikey. You shouldn't satisfy me in that."

"Whatever. Anyway...Brian, will you answer my question?"

"Hmm...Tell me."

"If there wasn't my visit, did you stay having ignored the communication from me as ever?"

Hesitatingly, Michael asked Brian. Michael's question was difficult to answer. Brian looked into Michael's deep brown eyes who is staring straight at him. Probably he may have done nothing until his heart was paralyzed and couldn't feel anything. Yes, perhaps he wouldn't have action until all was failed. It was horrible to think so, but Brian couldn't imagine oneself who is marching into Portland to retrieve Michael. Brian was at a loss and shook his head.

"I don't know, Mikey. I really don't know. But I didn't feel alive since you disappeared."

"Brian, you're alive properly. You're all right."

Michael lowered his eyelashes and whispered quietly. Michael should have known what his best friend could do or what couldn't. He didn't return to Pittsburgh to get something from Brian. Michael persuaded himself in it once again. Michael wanted to enjoy simple old effortlessness. Talking with friends and getting drunk and madly dancing, until go back to the home for exhaustion. What he expected now was only it. However, reality always betrays your expectation. When they finished dancing second song, Michael noticed the blonde who is coming into his view.

"Oh...he is here."

"Who?"

"Justin."

Michael pointed at Justin who escapes by slipping through half-naked men and is going to walk up to them. Brian looked up at the ceiling that colorful light reflected diffusely and cursed it.

"Fuck...!"

"Hey, you two."

"Hey, Justin."

"What do you want?"

Justin rolled his eyes to a direct question of Brian.

"Brian, in fact, I want to nothing from you for now. I want to have a talk with Michael."

"Justin, you can't..."

Michael blocked Brian's mouth up at his palm before Brian is saying irreparable terrible thing.

"Brian. You don't have to say something in place of me. If he wants to talk with me, I don't mind."

And then Michael nodded to Justin.

"Justin. Of course I can talk to you. But here is so loud. We should move at least in the place to listen to without effort each other's voices."

"Yeah, can we get out to the passageway?"

Michael approved proposition of Justin.

"Sure."

"Hey, wait!"

"Christ, Brian...Don't follow us."

"But, Mikey...! I don't think it's good idea. Just ignore him, you don't have to talk to that brat."

"I know but I should hear what he want to talk to me."

Michael cupped Brian's cheeks with his both hands and then kissed Brian's lips lovingly.

"You don't need to worry about me. Brian, I'm alright by myself."

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While he climbed down the stairs, Michael thought about what Justin wanted to talk about with him. Probably it will be the things related to Brian that Justin wants to ask. Actually, Michael knew that Justin was totally crazy about Brian blindly. Michael was able to understand a feeling of Justin. You must not want to ever let go if you are in love with Brian Kinney and were able to get him.

They finally plopped down to a couch in front of the cloakroom after threading their way through the crowd of people. Justin said slowly after having fully observed Michael's face.

"So..."

"So... What?"

When Michael asked Justin as laughing, Justin faltered for an instant, and rubbed his lower lip at the joint of his forefinger.

"Well, did Brian tell you?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Michael, stop it. You know what I mean."

And then, Justin sighed.

"I mean what I wanted to know is...did Brian confess the love for you?"

"Oh...do you want to know it?"

Michael asked as looking into Justin's blue eyes. Irritatingly Justin leaned on against the couch at his back with a thud.

"I knew it! He said to you, did he? Thus did you decide to get Brian back? You leave David and do come back to Pittsburgh? Brian kicks me out from his life earnestly, and lives with you?"

"Whoa! Justin...calm down. Our relationship turns into nothing even if we talked about anything."

"Don't you choose Brian?"

Justin said flabbergasted. Michael patted the upper arm of Justin as smiling placidly.

"Justin. The situation is complicated than you think."

"What do you mean? A problem of the love doesn't have the excuse. The human instinct should be trying to get what they want. Do you prefer David to Brian?"

Justin's question was too straight. Of course younger Justin maybe can't see except only definite things. It was esoteric after all to demand understanding from Justin. Michael slouched wearily and groaned.

"If I answer your question sincerely, I don't stay in Pittsburgh as it is. Because I really need to return to Portland. Though I love Brian, I can't change my situation that there is now for him."

"God...Michael. After all you are going to give him up. Did Brian consent to it? Ooh, don't tell me. I don't think that he was able to accept the defeat. He's too proud to accept it."

Justin gaped and shook his head. Michael was able to understand reaction of Justin.

"Like I said, the situation is changing. Actually, I would have absolutely remained in here before I moved to Portland or if Brian told me his feeling more earlier. However, that time, his hands were full with you."

"Yeah, I know fucking well. But don't blame me. I was bashed to death. Even if I took some attention from Brian, it wasn't unfair, was it?"

Justin sighed.

"I can't deny that Brian thought that huge damage had extended to me because of him. First, I thought that's why he didn't come over for even a visit. But one day, nurse told me that he had watched my progress in every day. Brian took care of me all the time after you left to Portland. I wasn't able to afford to thank for his kindness in those days. But Brian never got rid of me. Even if I feel it is love for me, nobody can blame me. Actually, I thought that Brian loved me."

Justin was staring at his own fingernails like those are strange things. Michael nodded to Justin.

"I can understand what you say. Brian may have thought that he was guilty for you, but he really cares about you. I think that he likes you."

"Or Brian may have sympathized with me of the circumstances that resembled with him."

Justin glanced at Michael. It let more amplify a guilty conscience of Brian that Justin's father abandoned not only Justin but also his whole families. Michael couldn't deny the fact, but he knew that wasn't only reasons.

"Justin, I can say nothing. It is a problem of you and Brian. I don't intervene in it. Concerning you two, I have nothing that I can give a conclusion. You find your way. And don't forget that it depends on decision of your own even if you make any kind of decision in your life."

"Hmm...Is that a lesson to come from your experience?"

Pretending to consider it deeply, Justin asked to Michael. Michael chuckled to the impudence of the kid.

"Yeah, maybe. I can say that."

"But if I'm going to do so it, I will probably annoy you."

Justin gave his cocky smile and said to Michael challengingly. Michael merely laughed.

"Didn't you annoy me ever since you stepped into my life?"

"Ah, there is no help for it. When I'm trying to get Brian, you were the only obstacle."

Justin shrugged his shoulders. Michael was surprised to know that Justin had thought of him to a menace. From the beginning, Justin was looking down on Michael. To him, Michael was a pathetic lap dog of Brian. From his behavior against Michael, it was obvious.

"Um, well...I didn't expect that you thought about me that way. Why did you think so?"

When Michael asked, Justin wiped his face at his hand tiredly and knitted his eyebrows.

"Michael, you want to know why? I was there for him all the time. Even when Brian didn't expect for, I clung to him. Like you know he can hide his feelings from another person very well, but it is impossible to continue daylong. When he couldn't see you, he lost his composure totally."

"Do you mean the disaster of my birthday?"

"Mainly. And after you left to Portland."

Justin nodded significantly.

"Brian wasn't himself obviously."

"He don't fall into that state anymore."

Michael hoped it as saying it. Justin didn't admit completely, but there wasn't the reason to doubt it. If Brian confessed the love to Michael, they would have had surely a various talk galore. They must have found some kind of solutions by them. They are Brian and Mikey after all. They have the world only for them who nobody can get into between them.

"Then, Michael? Do you return to Portland where David waits as if nothing happened? Doesn't your heart ache at all? Can you bear being separated from Brian again? Moreover, this time, you knew that Brian loves you and want to be with you?"

Justin asked Michael without faltering. Michael knew that Justin could sting his heart precisely anytime.

"Justin...When I leave Brian, it has been never easy even once. Because I love him...always have always will."

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Michael stayed in the place for awhile after Justin went back to inside. He noticed that his strength began to drain out. Michael didn't know how long he can hold on.

"Michael, are you all right?"

Michael slowly raised his face to the way that caught his shoulder. Michael knew who the owner of the voice was.

"Hi, Ted."

"Hey, Michael. Did that kid cause you hard time? You look like shit."

"Yeah, thank you for praise."

Michael smirked to Ted.

"Well..."

Ted muttered as sitting down next to Michael.

"What did Justin say to you? I wish he didn't say terrible abusive to you."

"Oh, we talked surprisingly rationally. He was growing up than I thought."

"Good, I mean it's good for him. Probably he'll have to grow up early. The situation is severe. If he cannot rely on his family, he must mature early. Many gays do so it."

"Yeah, must be."

Michael waited patiently for Ted to begin to talk about his wanting to really talk. After short quietness, Ted muttered.

"Are you hiding something from us?"

"Mmm, probably. But I can't tell you."

Michael patted Ted's thigh. Ted nodded a little and wrapped Michael's smaller hand which placed on his thigh into his hand.

"If I said that I know your secret?"

"...Teddy?"

Michael stared at Ted's big amber eyes intensely. Ted smiled at Michael silently.

"In fact, Melanie is trusting me than you think."

"Shit..."

Michael was going to get away from hold of Ted instinctively, but Ted didn't allow it.

"You shouldn't be angry at her. She leaked only just a part. And Mel didn't tell Lindsay at least."

Ted told placidly and stroked the back of Michael's hand blankly. Michael breathed a sigh of the reconciliation and accepted it.

"I maybe pushed a huge burden into her."

"Yeah, she is a woman even if she pretends to be tough."

Ted shook his head and laughed for words of his own. Michael nodded as leaning on Ted's shoulder.

"It must be so. Though we sometimes forget it."

Two of them didn't utter words for a while. They spent time like that well in Babylon before. Surely how to spend time at the Babylon like that was unbecoming but it seemed to be better than they waste their time in an unworthy trick. And sometimes, they assessed interestingly how Brian fished tricks. After a little, Ted's voice who had begun to talk was trembling imperceptibly.

"How bad are you?"

"Teddy, you don't have to know..."

"Why? I thought I'm one of your good friends. You can't hide important thing something like that."

Ted said to Michael gravely. Even if he hid it from Ted, if Ted heard circumstances from Melanie, he couldn't tell a lie to Ted.

"I'm dying."

Michael muttered evenly.

"The doctor can't predict speed of my sick aggravation, too."

"Oh my god..."

Ted covered his mouth with his palm to suppress his scream. Michael kissed the shoulder of his close friend lightly and comforted him.

"I accepted it somehow."

"Michael. Don't you tell about your disease to Brian?"

"I couldn't tell him. It was the one of the purposes of this visit to warn Brian about my disease. But, actually, it was not simple for me."

Michael shook his head feebly.

"Why I'm not telling to him is because I can't bear it. And the reason is because it leaves an escape for Brian. He can blame me who didn't tell the truth."

"How about David?"

"He can get over this. He has a family supporting him."

"However, Brian has only you."

"Teddy, don't say that."

Michael held back almost bursting into tears somehow.

"He can find someone new. Sometimes I wonder, may my existence disturb that he is trying to change. Ted, In fact, Brian is very loving person. He is not originally a fickle person."

"You mean he can't keep a lot of pets? Because he pour love into one of them and neglect others."

Ted smirked. Michael couldn't help chuckling.

"You say a terrible thing. However, I think that is telling remark."

"Michael...are you alright with that? How does this situation turn out if you leave as it is this time?"

"I don't know..."

Michael muttered.

"I don't know how I change by a disease. I may be not able to move and maybe can't understand oneself who I am. Or I may perish from the world one month later."

"Michael...Don't you even give a chance to Brian? He scares to death and will suffer if Brian knows a fact. But..."

"David can bear it. He knows the way to digest it. However if what Brian can do is only seeing me dying?"

Ted exhaled shaky breath as hearing what Michael talked.

"God, Michael...I'm afraid of that I think about it."

"Maybe I shouldn't have come back to here. I was able to have Uncle Vic and mother come to Portland, and was able to have send the documents which were necessary for a procedure to Mel. But I wanted to see everyone once again. It was my selfishness. And eventually my selfishness would complicate friendship with Brian after all."

"Oh...Did he say to you that he is in love with you?"

The question of Ted surprised Michael enough.

"Did you know that Brian loves me?"

"I thought that it was a matter of time as far as I looked at his recent state. I have talked to Brian about it. Remember? I was in love with you, too. At the point, we had a common ground."

Ted sighed as rubbing his forehead at his fingers. Michael nodded and watched Ted carefully.

"But if I didn't appear before him, he would say nothing to me. He said so to me by himself. I know it's all he could do. I let him squeeze out his feelings and rejected it after all."

"You seem to be into the huge mess somehow."

"Exactly."

Michael laughed at himself mockingly.

"Well...I want to handle my routine in the Babylon. Ted, will you help me go for catwalk?"

"Help you?"

Ted asked suspiciously. Michael didn't hide his condition anymore.

"I think that I can't climb those steep stairs by oneself now. Please support me a little that I fall down from stairs, and not break my neck."

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--T B C--


	11. Chapter 11

Cruel reality

**Author: **FOXOReily

**Summary: **Seven months pass after Michael left for Portland. Michael returns to Pittsburgh to spend his holiday. Brian is stuck at relationship with Justin as ever. Michael wants to talk to Brian something, but cannot easily make an opportunity. Time passes pitilessly... Sorry, there is no-beta.  
**Rated:** R

**Categories:** Angst, Drama

**Characters:** Brian, Michael, David

**Warnings: **None

**Completed:** Yes

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Chapter 11

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Brian was irritated with himself. He regretted that he had let Michael go with Justin. It was hard to think that Justin talk to Michael without harming Michael mentally. For most cases, Justin was insolent and hurt Michael's feeling openly. Brian understood that those actions that Justin cannot help doing are because of him. He knew the blond kid was doing not so good deeds to send away Michael from their sight. Justin was jealous of Michael anytime instinctively and trying to alienate him.

"I really fucked up."

Brian muttered in his mind. He promised to Michael that he wait for him unconditionally. It was his unilateral contract, and Michael never expected it to him. However, Brian couldn't help pledging it to Michael. The reason is because it was able to think that pledging seems like proof of his love for Michael. Nevertheless he has begun to regret the promise that he made to Michael because he didn't know when he could accomplish it. He maybe shouldn't have put too much confidence in patience of his own easily. Brian didn't think that he can wait much long term. He is not patient like Michael. If he had worked a little more positively, Michael may have capitulated after all. However, Brian couldn't force his self-centered conclusion on Michael. In addition, he wasn't in a position to use the special privilege anymore.

"Brian, you shouldn't annoy Michael."

Emmett muttered while playing with cocktail glass at his side. Emmett pinched the neck of the glass at his finger-tips and was rolling an almost empty glass edgily in his hand.

"What are you talking about?"

Brian asked back saying it without looking towards Emmett. Brian knew that Emmett is going all out and trying to protect small happiness of Michael by any means. Emmett wasn't going to tell it to Brian excitedly. He told for his gentle thoughtful friend entreatingly.

"I said that you shouldn't annoy Michael. He marries David and is living happily. Even if that is not the happiness that he expected most, you shouldn't have causing ripple in his life. Even if you realized his importance now, it's too late. Michael suffered enough. Don't you realize it?"

"You have no idea."

With perfunctory reply, Brian smiled at Emmett.

"I always knew how precious Michael was. We infatuated each other from the first moment when we met. Even if I did any kind of behavior in my life, I'm his after all. Though I knew that Michael had begun to doubt it."

"Brian, I'm not sure whether you tell the truth to me. But you had to do something if you understood his uneasiness. You should have said it to Michael at least if you're his. Therefore human being has a means of communication so-called 'words'."

"I know how the words are useless."

"No, Brian. Sometimes, the words can evade a catastrophe. God...I can't believe that the person who works on at the top of the advertising says such a thing."

Emmett shook his head sadly.

"I know that you're in the wretched situation. I'm not going to persecute and blame you meaninglessly. However, eventually, you're tormenting Michael again."

"We both are."

"Brian, you should give him up."

Emmett crooned pensively. Brian didn't answer it. He knew what Emmett wanted to say and he already did a fruitless stupid act in himself. However, it brought no solution to him. Brian can't let Michael go after all. It was the impossible consultation. Because they are two halves, if they lose each other they can't live. At least Brian couldn't do that.

Brian pretended to hear nothing and sway his eyes to the dance floor languidly. Then he discovered Justin in the direction of his eyes. Justin was making a quite nice scene with sand-colored haired well-hunk. Brian was pleased with Justin having recovered himself from his tragedy heartily. Brian remembered a state of Justin who was just discharged from the hospital which even couldn't walk Liberty Avenue by himself. Brian thought that Justin might become the responsibility of his life. And he thought that maybe he can love this boy. However, it was a groundless illusion. Unfortunately even if Justin is there with a man other than him, Brian's heart will not be in turbulent. Probably that kind of feelings will not bubble up in future either. Brian smiled quietly as thinking about such a thing hollowly.

"Emmett, I understand what you said. However, stop expecting an unrealizable thing to me."

"I didn't expect for, I asked you politely."

"Then I apologize for it beforehand."

Brian waved his hand lightly to Emmett and walked to the dance floor slowly for going towards Justin.

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"Hey, Justin."

"Oh, hey, Brian!"

Justin gave a lopsided smile and nodded to Brian. Justin's back was against a man's broad chest. His hands are grabbing well-hunk's hips firmly. Justin grinds his ass to crotch of hunk.

"Sooo, what do you want?"

Justin yelled lively. Brian smirked and shook his head as appreciating Justin's bold hips movement.

"Where is Michael?"

"I don't know. I came back to here earlier than him."

"What did you tell him?"

Brian asked. Justin raised his eyebrows in amusement.

"When Michael and I talk only with us, it's nothing but your topic in the case of most."

"Awww, it's not good. You shouldn't curse me when I'm not there."

"We'll never do that. We're worshiping Brian Kinney, oh so miserably. You should know it."

Justin continued dancing with hunky guy while ignore Brian's complaint.

"Was he all right?"

Brian asked suddenly. Justin watched Brian's handsome face with an incomprehensible expression.

"Mmm...Brian. I must just return those words to you."

"What?"

Brian had to move his body reluctantly to talk with Justin who is moving his body energetically. Brian swayed his body unenthusiastically.

"What did Michael say to you?"

"I think he didn't talk anything what you don't know."

Justin shrugged his shoulders and then approached Brian from sand-colored haired hunk's hold for an instant, and abruptly, but passionately, captured Brian's full lips. After that kiss, Brian stared at Justin with a little shocked eye.

"So...satisfied?"

"Brian, you must not forget that I'm here with you. You already know I'm not a type to easily give up."

Justin said as latching his hands back of Brian's neck. Brian snorted.

"Are you going to stalking me again?"

"I'm not sure now...but maybe."

"I thought that you're the one who miffed at me."

"Yes, I am. But, fortunately, I become tolerant person. Brian, I'm growing up. I may outstrip you soon."

"Then I may wait it joyfully."

Brian tilted his head and jauntily smiled at Justin. Justin grinned to Brian.

"We'll see. I'll scheme that we find the some way."

"Hey, Kinney! Why don't you join us?"

Hunk called out from the rear of Justin. It could say that it was a totally attractive invitation. But he didn't get it because he didn't want to.

"Yeah, probably at the next time."

Brian nodded to them and declined an invitation politely.

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Michael was watching their movement from catwalk. He wasn't sure what they talked about, but Michael enjoyed the view. He saw Brian dancing with men except him many times in this way from here. Michael felt even nostalgia for familiar déjà vu.

"I looked at Brian so fuckin' numerous times from here, but my heart hasn't so ached until when I saw him with Justin. Sometimes it was really unbearable. I think that Justin is promising."

"I'll have to say, Justin did his best without doubt. In fact, he arrived to the place very nicely. However, what he's doing is a losing battle after all."

Ted said with deep emotion. Michael smiled and watched Ted's face diagonally.

"Aren't you too pessimistic? I think that Justin does his best from now on. He is tenacious."

"Ah, Michael. That kid is not you. It is the most important thing for Brian."

Ted continued slightly shaking his head as talking.

"But, on the other hand, he is different from you because he knows a way of the rational relaxation. He can loosen him up for his desire. It is his strength. Justin has a part resembling Brian."

"It is terrible, but it will be right. Maybe Justin will become arrogant prick."

"Rather I think he will become pain in the ass. Oh, he already is!"

Ted said in smirk. Michael nodded as laughing mischievously.

"If Justin doesn't expect other than what Brian can give to him, their relationship may develop."

"Michael. Do you want it?"

Ted asked anxiously. Michael took eyes off the interesting scene developed in a dance floor and watched Ted's worried face.

"Yes, and, no. You shouldn't ask about knotty thorny issue to me."

And Michael smiled softly. Ted planted his elbows on a rail of the catwalk and rested his cheek on his hand. Then Ted sensed that Brian was aware of the place where Michael is. Ted could say that the change of Brian's expression was so dramatic. Brian devoured Michael with his eyes. And it was able to say the same thing to Michael. They crave each other's presence absorbedly. Just like if they immerse each other into themselves. Ted rubbed Michael's shoulder gently.

"Go to him. You deserve it. Regardless of my words, I don't think that Brian deserves you. But..."

Ted put his chin to his chest and smiled resignedly.

"Probably you two deserve each other."

"Teddy..."

Ted interrupted at his hand what Michael started to say.

"You don't have to say anything. You don't need to think about anything. You have to get what you want. Rather you have to do it."

And then Ted left from Michael's side slowly for Brian.

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Brian's eyes were locking on Michael. He crossed the dance floor smoothly and went up the steep stairs. During the time, Brian's eyes captured Michael and never let go. On the crowded dance floor, Michael wasn't sure how Brian accomplished the wonder trick. If it was him, he bumps to at least two-digit of men and must have been stranded on the floor three times.

"Brian."

"Michael. I knew that you are here."

Brian smiled at Michael softly. They chuckled and bumped each other's shoulders lightly as leaning on a rail of catwalk.

"Yeah, you will know that I always watched you wistfully from here."

"So did I."

Brian looked into Michael's deep brown eyes.

"You know, whenever I look at you, I didn't doubt that you smiled at me. Because you were always there for me."

"Oh, well... You're mostly right. When I watched you, I couldn't help smiling like some idiot."

Michael giggled boyishly. Brian relished his favorite Michael's giggle with his ears deliciously.

"Sometimes I was overwhelmed in your dazzling beauty. It was huge mystery for me why you could smile at me like that. You were able to make me daunt."

"What are you talking?"

Michael looked up at Brian's face suspiciously. Brian sighed as looking down at the dance floor which is wriggling of the crowd.

"Though I believed only you, I hurt you many time. Because I knew that you always forgave me, I used your gentleness. But, I was sure that it was only you who bear with me and can live in my tiny shitty world. I was having a hunch vaguely for our future."

"...Brian?"

Michael squeezed Brian's right forearm by his hand gently. Brian caught Michael's eyes with his eyes again. And his left hand caressed Michael's raven-black hair lovingly.

"One day, when we were walking street I stopped casually and turned around toward you. Then I saw you were brooding and drooping your eyes for some reason."

"Oh...when?"

"I don't remember when, but you were avoiding my eyes."

Brian slightly shrugged his shoulders.

"Somehow I know why... Surely you were in uneasiness."

"Aww, typical Mikey. The insecureness is my patent. You know that? It's nothing to do with you."

"What I minded was that you couldn't tell your uneasiness to me."

Brian rubbed his nape impatiently.

"I thought that you held something which you cannot say to me. Then that time I wouldn't deserve your trust. I knew I was still occasionally shutting you out. Probably, from the day when I met you, I'll haven't change a bit. Maybe I'm not growing up. You may have felt uneasy about it."

"Why do you think so? Did you think that I denied your nature?"

"No, I didn't think so. I was just..."

"Brian, tell me, do you think that not to change is bad thing? Or do you think that it is good thing? I say it doesn't matter really. What the fuck is 'the growing up', anyway?"

Michael questioned Brian closely by fast-talking. Brian slid his fingers on Michael's cheeks.

"Good or bad...Maybe, both. But what most makes me be sorry was that I pretended not to notice all the time that your smile turned into tears."

"Brian... you don't have to be sorry for me. It was my own problem."

Michael pressed his cheeks to Brian's palm. And Brian cupped Michael's face by his hands and they touched against each other's forehead.

"Mikey, please don't forget this. I know myself that I'm not so faithful and I may not have watched only you. However, you were the only one that I can call my reality. It doesn't still change. You're my true love."

"Why are you saying it now?"

Michael asked to Brian as choking back his tears.

"Because you're trying to disappear from my life."

Brian answered to Michael as still caressing his face. Michael closed his eyelids and concentrated on touch of Brian's hands that is airily gliding at his cheeks and temple. He couldn't fall apart ever when he is with Brian. Michael caught both Brian's wrists softly and kissed Brian's knuckles.

"Don't worry, Brian. Even if I can't be beside you, I'm always there for you."

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They left the Babylon after they told honestly their secession to their friends. Brian couldn't help thinking about a contrastive expression of their friends. Of course Emmett didn't welcome that he took Michael away. Brian can understand a feeling of Emmett. However, demeanor of Ted made him restless. He seemed to just watch two of them calmly with a quiet look. It was so odd.

"I hope that you return to a hotel or your mother's house properly."

Brian heard at edge of his ears what Emmett said to Michael indirectly as caressing Michael's cheeks. Brian didn't like seeing someone touching Michael even if it was just Emmett.

"Emmett, Michael is an adult. He can decide by himself whatever he wants. I don't think that he wants second Debbie."

Brian said to Emmett fretfully as rolling his eyes.

"But you shouldn't tire him. You know, he's getting used to quiet peaceful life in Portland."

Ted said to Brian chidingly.

"I'm fine, Teddy."

Michael smiled for Ted meaningfully and stroked his biceps. Brian didn't like their intimate exchanges. He wanted to punch Ted's face. Shoo! Michael is mine!

"Michael, e-mail me the photographs of your house. I have some suggestion about your outdoor swimming pool and fabulous garden."

"Sure, I will."

"Don't forget that, beauty."

After hugging Michael tightly, Brady said to Michael eagerly. His hands were caressing Michael's back affectionately. But after that he was abducted to two of blond twinks to the backroom. Well, anyway, Brian decided that he don't give a shit even if what Brady do or say. Well...Yeah, isn't it right?

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Inside of the cab, Brian noticed that Michael was exhausting.

"Did your energy drain out?"

Brian drew Michael's body to him and whispered tenderly.

"A piece of banana did quite good job effectively. However, I seem to have been running out of fuel."

Michael chuckled as leaning on Brian's chest. He realized that he ate nothing from lunch, too. Brian suggested it to Michael.

"Do you want to eat something?"

"Umm...I want to eat some wonton soup."

Michael muttered at sleepy voice. They came back to Brian's loft after having supplied Chinese takeout on the way. About their having returned to the loft, Michael said nothing. They sat down on a luxurious rug that spread all over the living room's floor, and like good old days they drank beer and ate Chinese food. Plus, some joint again. They spent good time comfortably with safe topics.

"You'll have work tomorrow. You should take rest a little."

The clock is pointing around 3:00 a.m. Michael said to Brian anxiously.

"Brian, you can go to the bed."

"If you come with me."

Brian stood up and said to Michael as wiggling his eyebrows.

"I can sleep here or can call a taxi."

"Mikey, you can return in morning. There is not the harm even if you wait here till the sunrise. However, I think that this room is not suitable to sleep."

Michael shrugged his shoulders while looking at beer bottles, and leftover that scattered around of them. Their senior high school album, CD cases and Gus's photographs were spread all over on the couch. Michael was too tired to make his bed, after putting them in order.

"Why not? I'm tired as hell."

Michael stretched his both arms and said to Brian who stood in the front of him. Brian pulled up Michael's body and stood him.

"Can you walk?"

"Maybe."

Michael nodded ambiguously. Brian asked about nothing and merely nodded and threw Michael on his shoulder and swatted Michael's ass playfully.

"Ow!"

"This is a freight charge for me."

Brian carried Michael to his bedroom and plopped down Michael's body carefully onto the bed. And he took out sweatpants from a drawer and handed it to Michael.

"This is yours. Probably you have mislaid this here very in old days."

"Did you keep it for me?"

"Well...yeah...Uhm, you don't need to worry. It's clean."

"Thank you, Brian."

Michael nodded and received his old sweatpants from Brian. It was exactly his own thing.

"Wow...This is really an antique."

Michael laughed for unexpected surprise.

"Why did you keep this for so long?"

"Because it's yours."

Brian frowned and thought. Probably it would be true. Brian asked Michael as taking off his own clothes quickly.

"What are you going to do tomorrow?"

"My plan? Well, maybe I go to the diner and talk with ma. And also I'm going to meet Uncle Vic."

Michael changed into his sweatpants and crawled under sheets sluggishly.

Brian watched Michael who is sinking his head in plush pillow and still fighting his sleepiness somehow.

"Mikey"

"Yeah?"

"David may come to pick you up."

Brian muttered as sitting down beside Michael. Brian felt that Michael stared at him in wonder.

"Did you talk to him?"

Michael asked in a quiet voice. Brian caught Michael's eyes and nodded.

"When you fainted on a street. I called David after having taken you to the hotel."

"While I'm sleeping?"

"Yes."

"I see."

Michael closed his eyelids and nodded discreetly. Michael knew that David would never tell his disease to Brian. Even if Brian questioned him strictly, David should have never compromised.

"Probably he'll arrive at Pittsburgh tomorrow."

"Oh...do you think so?"

Michael opened his eyes again and asked Brian. Brian sighed and nodded frustratingly.

"When I hung up, your hero seemed to fly to here forcibly by oneself."

"Brian, you must have scared the shit out of him."

Michael smiled slightly. Brian muttered as staring at Michael's endearing smile.

"I guess he does love you."

"Yeah, he does."

"And you too?"

"Hmm-huh."

Michael fluttered his eyelashes and nodded.

"He is becoming the pessimistic old man. Brian, you shouldn't torment David."

"I couldn't help. He has the one thing which I cannot help wanting in of the whole world."

Brian drew Michael's smaller body close to his chest, and secured him in his embrace. Brian buried tip of his nose in Michael's soft hair and inhaled Michael's sweet scent.

"'Ultimate' of Clean."

Suddenly, Brian uttered it as having been remembered.

Michael nodded and smiled.

"Did you remember that? Probably, you gave to me the thing which somebody gave to you. Anyway I still occasionally use it. It's not so bad. I kinda like it."

"When you wear it, I feel it like totally another fragrance. I think I got it from the woman employee of the client. I gave you it because at that time I used Bvlgari habitually. But like you said it's not so bad at all."

Brian tickled the concavity of Michael's neck with his nose. Michael was squeaking hysterically and trying to escape from Brian's torture.

"Brian, stop it!"

"If you stay with me forever."

Brian caught both Michael's wrists by his hands and pinned him onto the mattress. Brian felt that Michael's chest heaved under his chest intensely.

"Brian...I..."

Brian was trying to capture his feelings that swing into Michael's eyes. However, However, there was only unchangeable fact that resembled despair.

"I know you can't."

Brian lie down next to Michael and drew Michael to his chest again.

"In the tomorrow morning, I take you to a hotel."

"Brian, you don't have to do it."

Michael said apprehensively. Brian felt that Michael's long eyelashes grazed skin of his chin softly.

"But, I want to. You have to stop trying to take my time away from me with you."

Brian muttered and closed his eyes. Michael spilled tiny giggle with a small sigh.

"Thank you, Brian."

"You're welcome."

Brian pressed his lips to Michael's forehead lightly. Michael being here with him, it was the greatest joy that he could touch Michael when he expected it. These seven months he starved for Michael and longed for Michael. However, Brian understood that the happiness flew away soon again from his hands. David is right. He must cherish time with Michael till a good doctor comes to take Michael away. Valuable time when Brian obtained it drew to an end.

In spite of fatigue, they couldn't sleep. Brian knew that Michael was still awake. His breathing was steady and quiet, but Michael's hand resting on Brian's chest was flexed restlessly against his skin. Michael's dark head was resting on Brian's left shoulder joint.

"Mikey, are you awake?"

"...Yeah."

"Uhm...Are you happy now? Well, I mean now."

Brian asked abruptly. Michael didn't have to think about it.

"I'm very happy that I can be with you. Actually, I didn't expect that I could have such time with you."

"Because of Justin?"

"Umm mostly. But the reason was not only it."

Michael shifted his head and looked up at Brian's face.

"Brian...?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

Michael stated it. Brian fell his cheeks onto Michael's hairline.

"Still you'll leave me."

"Yeah...You are right."

Sighingly, Michael admitted it. Brian expressed a hopeless sigh thinly.

"I will forgive you. For now."

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When they had begun to finally doze off, they didn't have much time left. They entered the bathroom together while yawning greatly. At first sight, Brian sensed Michael's uncertain step. They took shower together without need to ask for each other's permission. Though their physical contact was close deeply, there was not the sexual strain between them strangely. Michael knew that Brian's chest had supported his back. And Michael appreciated Brian that didn't ask even a single word to him about his physical condition.

"Wow...You have the hell of morning hard-on."

Michael noticed that Brian's erection is poking his back.

"Of course. I have this every morning. If you want, you can take care of this."

"Aw, I'll refrain from the duty."

Michael wagged his head while lathering shower gel with high-quality natural sponge. Brian said under shower as stealing a glance at Michael's crotch.

"I'm afraid to ask, but don't you have it anymore?"

"I have those sometimes, but, not every morning. Brian, you're already over 30. You should abstain a little"

"Why I have to do that? Michael, your aging must have been hasty because of living with old man."

Brian took plentiful foamy sponge out of Michael's hand and has begun to wash Michael's back. And he valued assets of Michael.

"However, your fabulous peachy ass doesn't seem to yet sag."

"Brian. Why don't you give me your underwear?"

Michael said as wiping drops of water of his hair with a fluffy bath towel.

"I don't want to put on dirty underwear again."

"You can get them from in my drawer freely."

Brian yelled from the kitchen as pouring coffee into a cup. Michael shrugged his shoulders and opened the door of the closet of the bedroom. Then Michael realized there were the some clothes which were not Brian's possession obviously. Still Justin's things in there made Michael a strange feeling. It was fact that Justin had begun to build his space to Brian's place. He can take in that reality. Even if it was how much cruel reality to him, there wasn't the way other than received it and go ahead. Luckily Michael acquired the way a little early.

Michael took out simple black boxer shorts from a drawer and wore them quickly. And then wore white cotton T-shirt.

"I got them."

Watching Michael who emerged from the bedroom, Brian raised his eyebrows. What Michael chose was one of the most wore out thing in his wardrobe.

"You were able to get brand-new T-shirt."

"These are enough for me."

Michael muttered as patting the chest of his shirt and laughed impishly.

"If you want substitution for these, you can get my dirty underwear and sweaty stinky small T-shirt."

Brian answered a remark of Michael with a straight face.

"Oh, it's a great deal. Leave them for me. After having fully enjoyed your erotic smell, I'll hand wash them deferentially while grieving abandoned by you."

"Brian...I was just joking."

Blushing fiercely, Michael said mumblingly. Brian burst out laughing.

"Really, you had better leave them here. I'll put them for a spare for your next visit."

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After having finished breakfast with coffee and cereal, they went to the hotel where Michael stayed. Michael noticed that his persistent headache began to gradually climb up his whole body. Until suffer from this disease, Michael hasn't thought about how a headache could depress his whole body. However, it arrested him indubitably and tied him in pain.

"Michael, are you all right?"

Unable to bear it, finally Brian asked it to Michael. Brian couldn't overlook the wrinkle of Michael's brow, and thin coat of sweat.

"I can handle this."

Michael barely smiled and said to Brian.

"Fortunately I can spend time lazily in the hotel's room. It's visitor's good thing."

"I think that Debbie nurses you with pleasure."

"...Brian, you don't say it seriously, do you?"

Michael opened his eyes widely for terror. Brian teased Michael for distorted joy.

"You let Debbie make the chicken soup at large pans and may let her tuck in you to bed."

"I'm not 8 years old anymore."

"She hardly can see that you're already an adult."

"It must be so."

Michael rolled his eyes and tiredly nodded.

.

.

.

David sat down on the luxurious sofa of the hotel lobby and watched that they entered from the entrance. Brian was supporting unstable step of Michael at his arms like he is protecting Michael. It was obvious that Michael wasn't in good condition. When Michael decided to go home alone, what David worried most seemed to happen now. Michael's condition is worse. The doctors said that Michael should have been rather hospitalized than going for an outing before an important surgery. However, David wasn't able to turn down Michael's decision flatly.

And he is watching the result now.

Look at them.

David thought. It was clear at a glance that they love each other deeply. Even if it was any kind of love, David couldn't deny that Brian loved his lover. And then...Michael. David knew from a beginning that Michael was in love with Brian Kinney. However he wasn't able to still give up Michael. He took every fair means to separate Brian from Michael. David loved Michael and really wanted him. He was sure to overcome Brian. If he persuaded Michael seriously, David thought he can win Michael. However, even if he accomplished, it doesn't mean he can take a feeling that existed between them. It certainly still existed between two of them. Blind unconditional love. David looked at the cruel reality and accepted it into his mind. They may still love each other, but Michael loves him either. David never doubts that.

.

.

When they went through the entrance of the hotel, soon Brian noticed an appearance of David. The good doctor must have arranged an airplane to Pittsburgh immediately after he called. Brian prayed that the ground split, and swallow David before Michael was aware that David was here. However, Brian knew that Michael is sensing David's presence. In his protection, Michael let his eyes swim uncertainly.

"...David?"

Brian heard a small mutter of Michael. And he felt Michael's weakened body stirring in his arms.

"Yeah, he is here."

Brian stared at Michael's eloquent eyes and said. Only several seconds, they just stared at each other's eyes. Brian realized what he must do instantly. And he wasn't able to resist his duty.

"Brian?"

"With those beautiful eyes, you shouldn't stare at me like that."

When Brian muttered, Brian felt Michael's arms wrap around his neck and felt soft lips kissed his lips sweetly.

"Michael...You can go."

Brian heard his own voice hoarse disgracefully. Then he released Michael from his embrace.

"Michael, are you OK? I missed you so much...!"

Brian saw David almost ran up to Michael and held Michael's body who is barely walking. And he saw Michael easily allow to David lifting his body up in David's arms. Actually, Michael didn't let Brian do it at all in public. Michael is having border of the pride against Brian secretly. However, Michael can entrust it to David. Michael may reveal his weakness to David so that Brian can reveal his weakest part to Michael. The cruel reality hurt Brian's mind deeply. Brian stood there petrified for a while and watched Michael held in David's reassuring arms. And he heard Michael whispering it in small voice as nodding at conversation with David.

"Yes...I know, David... Please take me home."

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-- E N D --


End file.
